December 21, 2023 - Yule A.M.

 This morning or should I say last night I don’t know what to say 3 o’clock in the morning the witching hour again and I woke up from a very bad nightmare with regards to doctors! There was a doctor in a dream that I was having last night turned into a Nightmare when I found out, it was beginning to get a little too gory for my own taste. That being said, I was terrified about what was happening I tried to change the dream to be a Shopping spree, but it even turned into a nightmare there very exact same nightmare that I had about the goddamn doctors! There is something about doctors that gets my dander up for some odd reason. I don’t know why, but it just gets my dander up! In this case the doctor was forensic pathologist, who was doing godful experiments and subterranean plays, and was very horrible to begin with. I saw his gastly creations as I was going through the subterranean labyrinth to get to his lab. It was kind of disturbing to tell you the truth that smell and the idea that the labyrinth kept coming back in the dream for some odd reason I don’t know why, but that was the case It was really disturbing seeing some of the craft that he was that being said I was pretty disturbed. It was reminiscing of a childhood memory you would not Believe half this shit, but this is what got me in the martial arts in the first place. Was your idea that doctor can be so cool to people. That being said, I remember going to the hospital and looking in the wrong there is an autopsy being done in that other side of the window and I got chased around the block by the pathologist for a couple of hours around the town before I could finally go home and find peace and safety! That’s what got me to think about martial arts in the first place before I ended up being a clear cut grass or according to my principal and grade age. That just intensified my training if anything else!

But do I like doctors. No, I do not. I never really liked them to begin with even as a kid they kept doing something painful to me that was awful particularly the tonsilitis surgery, which was not very fun and I woke up with an IV in my hand and I ripped it out if I remember correctly without any qualms, if I remember correctly, it was more painful inside my hand that it was outside and I lost my shit as a toddler and ripped it out. As well as I was screaming, bloody murder for most of the night and they thought they were going to have to keep me because of my behaviour was dangerous at the time, but it was just because I just couldn’t stand them instinctively! It wasn’t until I found out that the files I learned about the human experimentation in the 1930s and 40s for example and all these disturbing things the doctors can do that cause me to wonder if they are the spawn of hell! That being said that did not help my situation, and I also believe that I was going through some problems when I was being chased by the medical examiner when I was 13 years old, not anything mental it was just something that I was doing that I shouldn’t have done in the first place I guess this was karma that was telling me I shouldn’t be doing half the shit I was doing the first place! At the odd time, I have these dreams, or should I say nightmares, which are nothing more than intense to begin with. That being said, I’m not very happy about having this dream. But at least I had somewhat good night, except for the nightmare or intense stream. That being said, I’m not exactly happy about the idea of being someone’s scape goal because the autopsy didn’t go the way they wanted when I thought when I was a kid and I got chased around with a nutcase with A powerful muscle relax, and a scalpel that was already bloody. That being said, I didn’t enjoy having a beat this descriptive, but I always have these nightmares about doctor from some odd reason. It’s addition to my PTSD as they were not helping the fact when I was a kid would be chasing me around the goddamn town! Acting a fool and not being very nice. That being said, I’m not very happy about doctors northern existence. I’m all doctors are buggers that being said, that’s the polite way of saying what I have to say About the situation they’re not very good people. In my opinion they don’t have anything worth the pinch Oh shit about what they have to do they say they do harm but they do harm anyway!

Also, I’ve been dealing with a lot of emotions because of the goddamn traffic problems that I had Yesterday morning that really irked me so maybe that was the Reminence or residual Emotions that I was feeling at the time about the goddamn construction workers and the idea of being late for the party that was pretty stressful on my end and I did not handle it very well. I must admit that! Yes, see yesterday’s post about the Christmas party that I nearly missed and other things that were pretty Castro fix. Particularly nearly missing the goddamn Christmas party was traumatic for me and I did not handle it. Well I will admit that and I was an asshole! But reflect how I feel in my dreams I don’t know what the hell goes on in my head when I decide to go to sleep if the brain goes on the gerbil wheel or anything like that! I call it the goddamn squirrel for some odd reason because it act like a squirrel and you fall asleep and you could have anything from a good dream to a nightmare like I had last night! Or this morning one of the two I don’t know I got dark out.   It will be dark out for quite sometime as this is the winter solstice or you one day closer to Christmas. Thank God and I can just take a real good mental crap. That being said, I’m very happy that Christmas is coming and that it doesn’t have to end with the Christmas party. It can continue on. Until New Year’s at least and the New Year’s. I am at least trying to Get a few things done that is gonna be an ambitious year for 2024! Particularly that I’m trying to get a hold of of an idea for a graphic novel as well as I’m interested and other different things like trying to work on my goddamn temper would be one! As well as trying to get more sleep I think those are the three big ones and trying to get that tattoo that looks like Sirenhead! You know the one with the morning glories that’s the one I’m trying to get for my right Inner forearm and try to be done with that for a little while and maybe hopefully I’ll have enough money left over for a laptop. That would be very interesting indeed. To have a laptop would be very interesting indeed that would be very easy because then I can continue my writing without screwing up my iPad without the idea that it can die at any second not that my iPad will die at any second but you know what I mean the battery life can be a bitch!

There are some things that Santa can bring in. There are some things that you have to bring to yourself like tattoos piercings, and laptops. That being said, I’m very interested in seeing what the The universe or whatever created, the big bang will have in the store for me. That being said, I’m very interested in getting a laptop but cheap one at that because I am not very expensive girl. Even though I’ve been Doing overtime at my job and I’ve been doing a very good job with my job. I still believe that I just need to save up a little more for a goddamn laptop! It is for gaming purposes only as I’m trying to get second life and I’m trying to get a hold of my IMVU without any problems as well as other things that may need to be used for a personal computer that I do not have at the time. That being said is very interesting to see where the idea of this might after I get the tattoo!

That being stated, I’m hoping that I can get both tattoo and body piercing as well as the laptop and maybe another tattoo. If I can applicably get the laptop, that would be wonderful in question and then I wouldn’t have to worry about half the stuff and the iPad dying half the time and stuff like that. That being said would be very interesting to play games on the computer and try to just relax and enjoy things That you cannot really do in the world or or the world! Which was kind of strange because the dream that I had last night was more last video game oriented which it was very strange on my part. I usually like video games to begin with gamer at times two times. Except I don’t like the steam powered games that they have these days so pretty expensive! For example, I got the Back rooms for free on the App Store and on the Google play store for free without any qualms or an app purchases that being said, I’ve been very interested in playing it, but don’t have the time to play it from time to time! That being said, is very interesting to play The back room is very interesting to try to avoid the extra box as I think they’re called one of them being siren head. Which is kind of strange, but well that is what it is I didn’t think so. I had would fit in with the back rooms, but it turns out he did!

I found out through a game that he was able to go into the back rooms as well but he doesn’t sound like the usual siren head. He sounds like a blathering imbecile instead and that he will come and attack you. It’s kind of interesting to play both back room games! And to be happy, knowing that they were free. That being said, the first back rooms is a bitch to play because you have that grid like thing, spoiler alert if you haven’t played back rooms and you can actually fall into the grid and never be seen again that being said, that’s kind of a pain in the ass, but it’s a lot more fun than playing again which I must tell you I had beaten was the game play I was able to beat the game without any issues since I started it four years ago almost 5 years ago actually. When I realize I can play it for free on the Google store. That being said, I’ve been trying to play it and I only could get so far and I went the whole way all the way if you were to say that!  Yes, I beat all seven pathogens in the game of plague Inc. it was kind of interesting now I have nothing very much to do nowadays because all the online games are for kids and I’m not really a kid and I don’t like kids stuff. God forbid if I get pregnant and I have a kid I’d have to give the kid up for adoption dress so I could be able to, enjoy the stuff. I usually enjoy without getting yelled at or censored! Or having my entertainment, which would be a pain in the ass, and a drag, to be honest with you!

December 20, 2023 late p.m.

 I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad

I got sunshine in a bag
I'm useless but not for long
The future is coming on

I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad
I got sunshine in a bag
I'm useless but not for long
The future is coming on
It's coming on, it's coming on
It's coming on, it's coming on

Finally someone let me out of my cage
Now time for me is nothin', 'cause I'm countin' no age
Now I couldn't be there, now you shouldn't be scared
I'm good at repairs, and I'm under each snare

Intangible (ah y'all), bet you didn't think
So I command you to, panoramic view (you)
Look, I'll make it all manageable
Pick and choose, sit and lose all you different crews
Chicks and dudes, who you think is really kicking tunes?

Picture you getting down in a picture tube
Like you lit the fuse, you think it's fictional? Mystical? Maybe
Spiritual hero who appears on you to clear your view
When you're too crazy

Lifeless to those the definition for what life is
Priceless to you because I put you on the hype shift
Did you like it? Gut smokin' righteous with one toke
You're psychic among knows possess you with one go

I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad
I got sunshine in a bag
I'm useless but not for long
The future is coming on

I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad
I got sunshine in a bag
I'm useless but not for long
The future (that's right) is coming on
It's coming on, it's coming on
It's coming on, it's coming on

The essence, the basics without did you make it?
Allow me to make this childlike in nature
Rhythm, you have it or you don't
That's a fallacy, I'm in them
Every sprouting tree, every child of peace
Every cloud and sea, you see with your eyes

I see destruction and demise
Corruption in the skies (that's right)
From this fucking enterprise, now I'm sucked into your lies
Through Russel, not his muscles
But percussion he provides

For me as a guide, y'all can see me now
'Cause you don't see with your eye
You perceive with your mind, that's the inner (fuck 'em)
So I'mma stick around with Russ and be a mentor

Bust a few rhymes so motherfuckers remember
Where the thought is, I brought all this
So you can survive when law is lawless (right here)
Feeling sensations that you thought was dead
No squealing and remember that it's all in your head

I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad
I got sunshine in a bag
I'm useless but not for long
The future is coming on

I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad
I got sunshine in a bag
I'm useless but not for long
My future is coming on
It's coming on, it's coming on
It's coming on, it's coming on

My future
It's coming on, it's coming on, it's coming on
It's coming on, it's coming on, my future
It's coming on, it's coming on, it's coming on
It's coming on, it's coming on, my future
It's coming on, it's coming on, it's coming on

My future
It's coming on, it's coming on, it's coming on
My future
It's coming on, it's coming on, it's coming on
My future

I was given a CD today that I haven’t seen in a long time. Big sunny tunes six! That used to be my favourite CD because it had the song that I already posted up there the Clint Eastwood song by the Gorillaz! That being said, it’s been my anthem for quite some time it might sound depressing, but it’s not as depressing as you think it is it’s the gorillas they are supposed to be that way in the first place. It just sounded so weird when I first heard it that I wanted to hear it again and again. I think he probably have heard this with different songs. This song I Knew since I was about 11 or 12 years old and then went and fell in love with the gorillas as well as the insane Clown posse! Do I have more history with the insane clown policy? That being said I am also interested equally in the gorillas as far as their music is concerned they’re very interesting and this song is my anthem because it sounds sad but it doesn’t say it is sad and the subway is coming on it’s coming on it’s coming on my future that has been something that I’ve been thinking about it since I was about 12 or 13 years old That being said, I used to have prophetic dreams of what I might be when I was a young kid about 12 or 13 years old as seventh grader. That’s when I really dug into this song because this is when sort of the bullying started, it was because of the ethnic wise bullying! You can tell which day that was that caused me to get into this song because I was starting to get into the rabbit hole of being bullied. And I thought if I am as tough as saw these gorillas that are the band I thought I would be a lot better, off than being a at one point it was a coping mechanism, and it still is a anthem to me because I am kind of unique and weird in the same way as the gorillas are I found the gorillas speak to me a lot more than any other band, especially well excuse me, other than the insane clown posse! That being said, only very few bands have mentioned what I have failed over the past 34 years in this case when I was 12 or 13 years old 12 or 13 years now 22 years later I am back and I am still feeling the same emotions that I felt back then except I’m not being bullied! Actually, I’m allowed to get away with a lot worse than what I was when I was 1213 or 14 years old when I was 12, 13 or 14 years old I couldn’t even get away with being part Asian part arab and part East Indian without getting the sh*t.   Now I’m a semi Goth and a nerd more nerd than Goth. That being said, I’m very proud of my clothing choices. Some people would say that my hair is a little bit off the beat, and and that I am more interested and being different. Well that basically me telling the other 12 or 13-year-old brats who were bullying me to go fuck off and fly a kite! 

This song I will admit, has gotten me when I first saw the actual music video and I thought this is the weirdest sound dang song I was almost with Tim Burton movie, but put the music. It was very very interesting indeed to play this particular song over and over again on the, big, shiny tunes 6, it was by what was a TV commercial called much music. At the time I used to be addicted to that channel when I was 11, 12, 13, 14 years old and I wish they still had the old music back on these days that they had them instead of this kind of shit that they have nowadays! I am not a hateful person when it comes to music, but the stuff that is ploughing in my ears. These days on the radio are not exactly quality material anymore. They are usually talking about sex, or sexually explicit act, or other things that that really shouldn’t be sung about! If that is even a word, it’s just shouldn’t be sang or song about in the first place because it’s very grimy and greedy in the first place not in the good way. I find that music is more talking about love and sex and romance and stuff like that, instead of dealing with your goddamn emotions and dealing with them head on and just taking care of them while you Still can! I think the music died was about 4 or 5 years ago…… that much being said, there wasn’t very much good stuff to be heard these days, except for techno that I can only listen to, but other than that I can’t listen to the other stuff it talks about sex, dating, romance, love and other shit that I’d rather not deal with! I think music died in the 2010, and Rigamortus sat in at 2021 and it’s been decomposing ever since the music I think it’s not as good as it usually would be. It started going to death around 2007 when really shitty artist we’re only talking about money and other shit like that that I don’t care about I care about more about the music that talks about emotions not your motherfucking money! Big baby sweet would say in Big money hustlers it’s a drug movie that I used to watch and still do. It’s very funny. I can’t stop laughing when I think about that movie!

But really most of the stuff that I listen to when I was younger like the insane clown posse, Bizkit, or the gorillas were more less talking about dealing with your emotions, head on and flipping the script and trying to do better in the end. As well as being yourself and not giving a shit about what other people think about you With most of my hands are mostly talking about. That being said is very sad that there’s not as many anthems as there is crap out there anymore. These days there’s more BM bowel movements if you would go around in the music industry than there are anthems, and I find that sad! 

I have one girl I can talk to at the group home about this kind of stuff the rock music, and the punky stuff that will get everything into a conversation because I agree with her taste and music, which is rock classic rock new metal and other stuff like that that being said, I’d rather listen to that and the old stuff of that instead of the new shit that’s gonna cause me a lot of stress that talks about love, romance and other I am going to throw up just thinking about it! It is sad how things have gone down the hill in the music industry and that things are not as good as they were before before there was the quality and the quantity. Now it’s just a quantity and there more asking for money than they are asking for good content these days I find. That’s what I think is that the music is not as good But the money is just as good as before I don’t get it. I think they should pay less for people who cut corners, especially in the music industry. If you’re not going to do well with your music and you’re gonna do a shitty job like if I did a shitty job at my job, I should be paid less or I should be let go that’s just basically how it should be in the working world, and I should be the same thing with the music industry, which is still an industry! Keep the gorillas keep insane clown posse keep Limp Bizkit and keep all the good stuff but as far as the new stuff fire them, they’re not worth it every time I hear the new music it makes my ears bleed literally and I just want to pound my ears, and just shut up the music! Kind of sad to tell you the truth, but there’s no good music these days there’s just a crap! Wish I could stuff my ears with if you know what I mean. It is that disgusting the music these days before I didn’t have to worry about having to hear about love and sex and romance and desire and all that shit now I have to deal with that and it’s gonna drive me completely insane if you’re not I’m gonna end up in a mental hospital just by having to listen to this shit. 

Whatever happened to Papa Roach and other interesting bands that were out there that were very good for you and the first place They didn’t sound like they were good for you, but they were good for you in the end. That being said, I’d rather hear more mental health stuff and new metal, metal and rock and other good stuff instead of this shit that’s about lovey-dovey erotic dirt!

You know I do clean up At my job it’s time to get the music industry, cleans up their act as well if I clean up stuff in my job for money, I think that he should do the same thing clean out the trash!

I cannot stress this anymore clean up the music industry!

December 20, 2023 P.M.

 This morning was not good! So that I will not focus on that sh*t shot! Let’s say that my commute to and from work left a lot a lot to be desired! That much said I was able to get my job done and that was fine!2 hours was the best I can do because of the Christmas party! Something that I was looking forward too! And it nearly good ruined by my road rage! Let’s say I cannot drive while having PTSD for a good f*cking reason! And I was the passenger that was the very said part about it!   I hate other drivers and construction workers especial construction workers as they decide on their terms when you can drive! It was a f*cking f*ck up if you ask me! And the person driving wasvery disappointed in my behaviour, I was too with my behaviour and I was that the asshole!  You can imagine that I wanted to hide from everyone! Effectively ruining my Christmas party - nearly!  It was not untill I got upstairs that I was able to let my hair down and finally relax! I was able to get the Christmas presents and some snack!   I was usually quiet but I am at these things even though I know everyone still! When I got my Christmas puffs on and started to relax I was able to forget about the incident to and from work!  It is coming up to the shortest day on that planet the winter solstice! And that usually effects my day!  Let’s say I am not a fucking vampire that can live with out light!  And I am not the only person that suffers from SAD! seasonal affective disorder! It’s a form a depression that comes and goes with the seasons! It’s a sign of an EMPATH, as well as anyone who is spiritually gifted! If they have the sad! They are spiritually gifted!   An EMPATH is someone who can read other people’s emotions and can detect malicious intentions too! Clairvoyant is to be able to connect with the spirit world! And even one knows what a psychic is! I am EMPATH, clairvoyant and psychic! I am also I a star child! 

I got my picture taken with Santa today while I was getting my presents. That was very interesting indeed and I was able to get what I wanted for Christmas some face paints called planet toys as well as some sponges for my face pain as well as an acting book or colouring book, I think it’s called! It was very interesting indeed to see that I got what I wanted, which was the planetoid In the first place, because I wanted to do that when I was doing my face painting class and I wanted to bring a at home. Since then I’ve had them on my Amazon back card for quite some time and I’ve been trying to get them now I have them in my grass! Yes, I do a face painting class back in October! And it was fun, and I had my own ideas of doing my face painting. I am more of a juggalette so that insane clown posse them will be there! As well as pagan and shamanic mail up will be in the go!   I cannot wait for tomorrow to break this sh*t open and use it for juggalo make up! This should be fun!  And I really can not wait!  Don’t be surprised if I put my face paint on in the middle of the night just to see what it’s like. And I already know where it’s like from my face painting classes but I really want to do juggalo make up! Like violent j or shaggy 2 dope! That being said I have been down with the clown since I was in kindergarten……believe it or not! I will be use this stuff I can just imagine from the face that I wanted to use this for since my face painting classes two months ago!   Also I have someone I can inflict this stuff on too! Laugh out loud!  One of my friends was at the face painting class, and I’m able to work on her face as well so that should be interesting as well as mine but mine I’ll be a little bit more and more juggalo and creative! As I have an eclectic personality. That being said, I enjoy having this unique personality! I will be happy to use them tomorrow. I don’t know what drug design I will use them if it’s gonna be the same as shaggy 2 dope or violent j! I will finally show my true colours!

This is exactly the stuff that I got for Christmas sponges, face paint, and some Xan moment colouring books. It’s gonna be very interesting to use the stuff and the new year and see where my modelling will go with the face paint as well as the sponges! It’ll be very interesting. What ideas I’ll come up with for painting my face other then juggalo facepainting! also, I’m gonna be quiet in the Christmas fear for quite some time, and I also got some strange sparkly ears that make me look like a water molecule. That’s very interesting indeed and I will be wearing them on Christmas as well as my birthday birthday as well. I’m hoping. I’m very interested in looking different and being a unique different person to begin with. I don’t think that, everyone should be exactly the same or should be similar or to fit in. I think people just be themselves and who they are and if I want to look like a water molecule so be at! That being said, it’s very interesting to see that I look like the tattoo that I got two years ago. It was very interesting indeed and I even want as far as to take a selfie with me, vanishing the tattoo with the molecule ears and I was going around, making the same face expressions that match the tattoo as if cosplay!   I am very excited indeed about the stuff I got, and the idea that I was able to tell you some of the stuff the people were cooking last night for today! As far as my job was concerned, I was able to do what I had to do within a finite period of time. It was very interesting to get everything three hours worth of work done in two hours. That being said, I wish I could’ve had the three hours to do the four work and be able to get more money! I’m not usually a money oriented person, but I am trying to save up for a tattoo and if I can go three hours four hours at my job, that would be a lot better than a kick in the ass!

Oh, so I was able to relax when I was doing work, but when I was getting back I was back in my foul mood again, because I just wanted to get to the party and not have to worry about the construction workers and this have these Twitter that were going around not driving properly or they were designed to let you go on their terms. That being said, I found that very aggravating in need, and I really rather not think about that, but that’s basically why boiled down who was my terms were more important than theirs at the time! So I thought at the time. I didn’t think that it was going to get me into a pile of sh*t in the begging and had to collect my self!   As I said I am an EMPATH, clairvoyant and psychic so the weather f*cks me up quite abite! It was even know by mother that I had S.A.D. and that I was also a huge light worker! Ie, clairvoyant!  And another tid bit is that the full moon screws me up even more! Sometimes I can handle a full moon and some cases I am the b*tch which is a sign of my Wierd abilities if you were to call them that! Some people would even said that I am crazy at least the ultra western people who believe in nothing but science! I hate those people! “Ghost don’t exist!” “Whats a Sirenhead” bullsh*t like that! I cannot stand people who don’t believe in anything except at face value and have no morals! If you believe in something at least there is something to stop you for doing something immoral!  

December 19, 2023 Late P.m.

 I have two Things to tell you. The reason why I haven’t been writing as much the negative as well as the reason why I’m back with my ex, which is the positive! Let’s start off with why I haven’t been writing as much. For the simple fact is that I keep going on dating size or online dating or plenty of fish or whatever else Facebook dating and I find out that I keep getting leftists Coming my way and they’re not the friendly kind of laugh. They’re the worst kind of leftist they can have they’re almost like salaphist bullsh*t To begin with, and that is true, they are almost siding with the salaphist! Call me paranoid but the last one Faked her own PTSD to over my attention, and was actually a salaphist, Meeting an ultra conservative, or someone who is in line with the ultra conservative version of a certain legend, that being said, I am not very happy that these people fake PTSD, and then show up their true colours as terrorist wannabees! That being said, I find that these people are what I call tasty or people who are faking their own damn PTSD. I don’t think they have the actual disability that they just say they do to win sympathy, and then try to brainwash other people. That being said, I’m not very happy that this is spilling out of my mouth to be honest with you! The last mention that was a weapon against the Palestinian people as the Palestinian people care about what the terrorists think themselves! I don’t give a rats ass about terrorism. I care about the victims or terrorism, and that’s where I stand is with the victim. As I was a genuine victim of the certain acts that they did themselves! To find these sympathizers online are very disturbing and I’m wondering what the hell is going on with this world isn’t falling apart or something. Because every time I go on dating thing is always some left to be there to screw me over Or someone else if you know what I mean. I’m not very happy to mention that, but that is basically the case. Here is the backstory!

I’m not gonna say what their name is or anything made a post about PTSD and I thought it was a genuine post commented on it and messaged them. They were on my friend list, so I thought why the hell not and then I ended up hearing about leftist bull Right and left. Saying that Christmas was an enemy to humanity and particularly the Palestinians as well. There might be some that might actually like craft mess. Have you ever thought of that! That being said, that’s when I decided to block this person when I knew they were a tasty twirl, a psychopath who is fainting or faking PTSD. That being said, I was not very happy to come across one of these twice, and one month! These dark cry people that come out and they come out real quickly are really aggravating. The dating online shit is exactly like dealing with the occult you. Don’t know when you are going to come across a good spirit or a hostile spirit. It is exactly like the occult you don’t know what you’re gonna expect! In fact, I find that dealing with online dating is more occult like than anything else that is you end up getting hostile people or you attract hostile people like you would attract hostile spirits. That being said, you don’t know what is their address like the occult! So that being said, I ended up getting a wonderful phone call yesterday that was a game changer. It was my ex or was my ex at the time and he asked me how I was doing. I said I’m doing a lot better thank you and then he asked me to be his girlfriend again which I agreed to wholeheartedly. And I’m glad I Because of that anti-and anti-Semitic post that I got that was really disturbing to me that being said, how can someone with PTSD be so hateful when they know that PTSD is caused by hatred! That being said, I was not amused when I saw that pose but moving on when I ended up going to basketball tonight, I saw my boyfriend now current boyfriend who was my ex! And we started off where We stopped. Actually being happy together. I forgot about this leftist twit for a moment there. That being said very happy to have him back in my life, even though I had a mental breakdown and that being said! I think I was being too harsh on myself and not harsh enough on the people who deserve it. That being said, it was very interesting to see him back in my life and I’m very happy about that just in time for Christmas! Which would really Erik the leftist bitch I was dealing with! 

The one thing I’m happy about is that I was able to be feeling loved again. Without any leftist strings attached! That being said, I’m very excited to be back in a relationship that is more healthy than the one that I was online. That being said, let’s forget about that for now and not deal with it. I will have my friend to deal with the twit! But I do report them to the FBI. As it that would constitute what they wrote as terroristic! Which leads me to believe that this person that I was online with was probably going to plan something on Christmas and was going to do something horrible on Christmas talk about an actual grinch! Who sides with the idiots in the world. The horrible people in the world. That being said, I’m not very excited about dealing with having to watch the news on Christmas Day, and finding out that something may or may not have happened because of this crazy not that I was talking to! One thing for women’s lib, And feminism and stuff like that, but I am not one to deal with the equality between us and the animals that ruin half the planet’s religion! They are being said I just hope that my friend saw the evidence that I provided for her and that she will call up the FBI. And I will tell them where they live. Spoiler alert this person lives and Los Angeles. She moves around a lot. She has a cat named bandit which says a lot right there! That being said, I don’t think this person was very good person to deal with. In my opinion I thought she was questionable, and she mentioned she was a lefty! And Lord, I wish I was talking about left-handed, but a lefty is when someone is completely left and right out of left field and is completely nuts and should be board certified!

To be honest with you that was too crazy that I had to deal with in one months and I hope I never have to deal with these crazies again. They disguise themselves as PTSD Goths I don’t know if they such a thing, but God to have PTSD, and they act a fool!  Hence, the term use tasty Twirl! Handsome, who fakes PTSD and someone who really shouldn’t be on the street if you ask me that! It’s going to be on the far right or the far left of the spectrum I think being in the middle is a lot easier you’re less likely to be psychopathic. In my opinion and I wish I was talking about the psychopathic records, but in this case, this is the psychopath as in the dark triad traits! It’s kind of sad that there’s a lot of these psychopathic people around who have nothing better to do than to make your life miserable or to make your in this case make Christmas miserable for you. That being said, I’d rather not deal with this person ever again in fact, if I do, she’ll get verbally assaulted because of her behaviour on the Internet I will literally use that against her that post! 

I don’t wanna come across as hateful or anything but that was asking for it when she posted that post in the first place. I wish to read it out but then I would kind of get me in shit!  I’d rather not deal with the aftermath of someone else’s you know what instead I’d rather just flush him down the toilet, and not worry about them at all. That being said, I am kind of ticked off that I have to flush more toilets Than anything else. Doesn’t anyone know about this religion that it’s about peace and not hatred or war. I wish people would learn that now before they learn it the hard way by getting verbally assaulted by someone who is similar to me! That being said, I am a very tough cock. I will say what I have to say to the person who doesn’t understand anything, and that they will be called ignorant, and a T word as well! 

December 13, 2023 Late P.M. (dumbest continued!)

That I found this morning on the way to my work as well as coming home from work was also more human stupidity, more dumb numbskulls That really should not be on the road and there is little old me with PTSD, who just happens to be a little bit more calmer than usual and I can’t drive apparently. This is what I’ve had to deal with back the two and some was some idea on the road that should Shouldn’t Have happened in the first place like for one slamming on the brakes why do you want to turn? That was one another one was a person who was an old lady who is driving her car and he drove right in front of us and then ahead of us, as she was already going to the same darn places you were. That was pretty sad…. As well as on the way from me, being gazed at for my headscarves! Then someone ran a red light. When I probably will stop intersection just because it was a red light. I am that stickler of that kind of thing. It’s kind of sad as how to see these normal people acting abnormally for my own taste! Let’s say it one thing Deal with psychopath in person or online you can block them or ignore them but when you’re driving is kind of hard to ignore a car that’s going radically. That being said is kind of stupid that people who have psychopathy or dark triad traits should be able to go on the road!

Every time I go to work, I always have to literally see someone do battle with the imbeciles trying to drive when they shouldn’t even attempt to drive in the first place it’s like…..WTF IS GOING ON A FULL MOON! no Because I would be acting irrationally as well, if I was undergoing a full moon. That being said, it’s not a full moon, because I am not acting irrationally either! But what is with that can’t seem to control them themselves behind the wheel. I imagine all the birds I could give it but I was driving and it was allowed to drive. I probably make the Ottawa airport or YOW look stupid! That being said, it was pretty sad, and I wanted to flip every single one of those drivers off that were pretty much brainless. I have this theory about The imaginary or invisible brain, where people do not use their brain, and they don’t deserve the education or having a drivers license that they usually have. That being said, I find this very sickening to find the people like crying to drive, or go to school and act, like a fool, and they end up making everyone else look bad and then there’s people like me who are well people who are going to go and want to go to school or fucking drive!  I was not impressed and I was The passenger. It was pretty sad to see how a passenger can turn into a backseat driver right away when you say, watch out for that jackass! I just hope the I don't see the pearly gates just to f*cking soon when getting to my freaking job! A job that I am doing better then numbskulls have with driving or treating other the way the. Want to to be treated!

That being said, the invisible brain theory was  accurate today dealing with the different driving techniques these Bonjour. And I know a lot of people that could make better drivers these bows. Those are on the street. And I don’t think they have anything growing between their ears! That being said beware of western drivers excluding Europe! Yes that bad! People Probably drive like banshee there too as well because they are horrible human beings these drivers. Where you go there’s gonna be a bad driver knows and I just either have to laugh at the sadness or just say oh my God can’t believe I just saw that! For example, one time I was with my mother, I thought someone do any illegal UI and I said that person is lucky not to be in a hospital. That person didn’t not have a brain to begin with! Or was a leftist or some stupid sh*t like that!    And that THAT was a few days before I decided to move out!

So why people why! Why do you f*cking drive like banchees…….well my father would say that they are drunk,high or ignorant! I just think it’s a neglect of a perfectly good brain! That being said I bet you that the bad drivers have PhDs and M.D.’s, which is a f*cking shame!  When I when I see this supposed brains driving stupid it makes me and my 196 iq cry deeply deeper then I cried over basket ball! Kind of fucking sad!  But it’s said to tell you the truth! I hate bad drivers the make me look too sane for my own good!  Banshees!   And then you got a Christmas coming up well that adds to the chaos! Not that I am Scrooge! I love Christmas but this Christmas shopping is bring the insane out in people! What the f*ck happened to good on Amazon! And online shopping! Sh*t people!  Hell some of the people I live with have potential for great driving because they indicate a brain!

Sick sad world!

December 13, 2023 P.M.

 It was a sombre day at my group home as I finished a book that I really enjoyed. I will show you which book that is it’s Book drowning by TJ Newman, who is pretty good at what he does. That being said, this is what I had to say about the book. It was short and sweet, but it was more or less what I had to say because I thought it was important to say what was the most important thing that was a goddamn good book!

Love this book so much!! Move over falling I’d give this ten but goodreads only allows five! Very good, recommended to anyone who listens

I thought it was a good Way to end a year on a good note was by reading a TJ Newman book which was pretty good. Which was her second book I’ve read following I don’t know how many times which was very good. This is exactly what I had to say about the following book as I mentioned on the above italized text! This book deserves more than just fries stars. It deserves that least 10 or 11 stars if you can go that high, but Goodreads can only go so far!

This is how I finish my ear. And reading that is. I might win more books later on, but will not mention them until I get to the New Year’s Day. That being said, it was very interesting to be reading another book of her in the same year! When I ended up finishing the novel, I almost so sad. But at least I was able to Roy a short butt killer review! That being said, I’m very sad that I am that had an end. I guess like everything Eastern philosophies nothing is permanent. That being said, that is the same thing with the month it’ll usually go to end sooner or later, but that’s what I get a little ticked off like a kid who dropped her balloon while playing with it too. That being said, I’ve done that many times too, and have blown my gasket! I say the same thing with the box if you read them too quickly, they pop up and then you end up losing your gasket. Because it’s very interesting involved with the books! But i own the book! That being said I find that this book was as memorable as the book Falling which was a good book in it on its one! Each of her books consists of airplanes and they are just so fascinating! As for the most of the morning ……..I was working for 2 hours and half straight! So that is 25 slaps there! I was working like a complete happy dog!I would should you what I did but it would me me going to the WhatsApp and I hate WhatsApp! I only use in emergencies or if I find something on Amazon!  It is ok to hate WhatsApp?! I think so! 

That being said I am happy to have worked 2h 1/2! But boy……the back the back the BACK!  Did it ever hurt trying to stretch! And some people thing that I dont have pain! It just comes in the form of muscle pain! F*ck did that hurt one I said on my couch and tried to relax it!  That being said I did not pinch anything nor pull a muscle! It was a sign of a good job well done! As fair I am concerned with my ex! I forgave him but would rather not talk about about it ever again and just leave it as a lesson learned! Not to date anyone note despises tattoos!  It is simple as that!

Why this morning before work I ended up hearing from a tattoo hater! I could even mention that, so I blocked him after he was finished talking to me and that was it if he was finished talking to me. He couldn’t shut the hell up! I dont know why I attract tattoo haters! The are just a bunch of f*cking juffs! In case you don’t know a juff is juggalo for hater!  And I seem to attract them a lot! For example I was eating my lunch , my fucking lunch when some people stopped the head scarf and acted as if they never seen one in their fucking life! It was Barbaric and the driving between the driving and the Muslima gazing I thought NORMAL people need to see a fucking psychiatrist more so then I do!  And I have PTSD, Aspergers, ADHD and ocd! And I seem to keep my shit togother when see something different….or unique! For example I could stare for hours on end of the stupid blonds! But I dont because that is bigotry! Get over yourselves people and seek prof help! Or I kick an ass! Sorry by some people are so ignorant that it’s a mental breakdown for them to see some different!

I will tell you what a penpal told me!

This. Is it

“ But the truth is, Elena, whoever you are, you develop a bond with those you share the same frequency with. And I've always formed strong bonds with the special, the smart, the ones people label as 'weird'.” 

Now that is in an intelligent woman!   What I did because I was getting sick of ‘people’ Muslim gaze is I held up my phone to make them thing I was recording them video…..do freaks thought i probably posted it on Facebook! Now they live in fear of my phone! That is why for being racist and Islamophobic! Those types of psychopaths are my biggest pet peeve!

That being said A lot of things people do that they do in response to someone who is different or unique is really a pet peeve of mine unless they start a compliment you were wave hello they usually just don’t have very much or don’t have a nice look on their face and they just glare at you as if they never seen it before! It isn’t like I was in the n*de! So what the f*ck!  This what my friends worried would happened when cloth touched head!  Nor do I give a sh*tty sh*t about the bigots out there!

Sometimes I wonder…….wtf is wrong with these people?!  What? That? fuck? And I will next time record them amd up them up on Facebook! Some my friend can see who dopey people get!

December 13, 2023 A.M.

Should’ve never had that coffee in the first place. I am up all night it’s not because I didn’t face my demons but it’s because I faced a copper iced coffee which was a big no-no. In my opinion. Now it’s Facebook in my PTSD meds or interacting with my PTSD meds, which is not very fun. I’ve been up since 8:30 PM as being a bitch to deal with! I don’t know why I drink the coffee it must be a cultural thing with me, but it’s something that I must cut out even if it is a cultural thing, because the coffee keeps me up all night. It makes me nuttier than hell. And I’d rather not, I would rather just have some good nights sleep for once. At least this was chemically good news, not stress induced. But still is a pain in the ass to still be up all night even with a goddamn coffee and you wanna be able to sleep I slept for three hours straight. I was not very happy to be sleeping three hours straight but at least it’s not out of anxiety or fear or anything like that at least that I know.  Maybe I’ll work it off when I do my cleaning job this morning. That being said, I was not very happy to be sleeping for three hours only because of goddamn coffee. At least it helped me face my demons, but as I said the sleep is an issue the sleep the sleep the sleep! This is something that should be dealt with right away is the sleep the sleep the sleep! I do sound OCD but it’s because I haven’t been able to fall asleep lately and it’s driving me insane and I wish I was a vampire so I wouldn’t have to go to sleep. I know that sounds childish and what not but it’s better than having to try to fall asleep and drinking coffee and staying up all night and not having excuse for except for well, celebrating the fact that, I faced a demon even though it was a painful bastard of a demon! 

That being said the next time there’s a basketball game and I am going to go there which will be next week. I will not be having any goddamn coffee. I’ll tell you that much because the coffee is horrible to deal with one of you’re trying to sleep a shirt it might calm your mind a bit, but then it races afterwards again. as a pain in the goddamn just to fall asleep because it interacts with your Your PTSD medication is even more annoying because you want to fall asleep! What I found is at the coffee is not my best friend I had a what is it a café coffee and didn’t affect me too much but then this Tim Hortons they have Poulton coffee. Let me tell you that coffee it’s like jet fuel. It’s gonna make you go and say and will make your climb the wall Guardian go to that extreme. I wish I could just fall asleep. I wish I could sleep could sleep! I still have a lot on my mind but it’s not stressful stuff. At least it’s just penpal related things. I would like to be able to penpal my penpals, but it’s too early in the morning to do so. Which is a pain in the goddamn ass.   What I would give to penpal someone right now, but I can’t. I have to just do my blog and try to get some more GD sleep! 

Let me tell you something that PTSD is not a fun thing to deal with the hilarious, susceptible to insomnia, but also comes up in your head My faithless. And it’s very interesting that certain things like caffeine or stimulant can affect you to do have more of this insomnia as I speak this is what it’s going through my head!

Here are my exact fucking that’s as said by faithless!

I can't get no sleep

I can't get no sleep

I need to sleep, I can't get no sleep

Deep in the bosom of the gentle night
Is when I search for the light
Pick up my pen and start to write
I struggle and fight dark forces in the clear moonlight
Without fear
Insomnia

I can't get no sleep

I can't get no sleep

I used to worry, thought I was going mad in a hurry
Gettin' stressed, makin' excess mess in darkness
No electricity, something's all over me, greasy
Insomnia, please release me and let me dream
Of makin' mad love to my girl on the heath
Tearin' off tights with my teeth

But there's no release, no peace
I toss and turn without cease
Like a curse, open my eyes, rise like yeast.
At least a couple of weeks
Since I last slept, kept takin' sleepers
But now I keep myself pep
Deeper still, the night
I write by candlelight, I find insight
Fundamental movement

So when it's black
This insomnia takin'-original-tack(?)
Keep the beast in my nature
Under ceaseless attack... I gets no sleep

I can't get no sleep

I can't get no sleep

I can't get no sleep

I need to sleep, I can't get no sleep

I need to sleep, I can't get no sleep

So you get the idea of what I’m going through right now that the sleeve is beginning to be a pain in my ass. Or the requirement of sleep in this case. I’m gonna be really trigger warning and spoiler alert bitchy tomorrow because I had some coffee that’s not gonna be too fun for me And I promise the person who fed me the coffee that I wouldn’t tell them that I had coffee therefore I can’t say very much except what I would excited that I face the demon. What should I tell half the people that I had a shitty night .     That being said, I’ve tried everything turning off the screen, doing everything my power to help myself sleep, and it hasn’t done very much Jack sh*t! I really wish people were more like vampires where they don’t have to fall asleep. Or just pass out in the middle of the day instead of dealing with this bullshit. I find this is something that I can’t stand is the idea of having to fall asleep because either I’m having a nightmare or I’ve had a coffee, one of the two it’s really potent coffee the Tim Hortons and it’s really bad that I had that before I went to bed. Maybe I should Have a redo button like they do in the cartoons but I don’t think that’s gonna help very much matters in this case. As I’ve dealt with this for the rest of my life sleepless night. At least this was because of usual coffee not because of the goddamn stress of it, all kind of deal with my ex, and his behavior. That being said, I have forgiven him, even though I say that through the skin of my teeth! Is a lot better than a kick in the pants and it’s a lot better than the feeling. Sorry for yourself to is to forgive someone!

But I just wish the coffee would stop Facebook and or interacting with my freaking PTSD bed. That was a very bad on my part. Now I’m gonna be zinged for the next few days. Frankenstein and if you were to call that drug addict who is strong on something that’s what I feel like right now because I’m Frankenstein and creating things that well. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing because I’m too zinged Goddamn. That being said, I wish I never had the coffee but thought more is the harm and a little coffee. And then this happens!

There is the freaking right there is if you have PTSD you should not have caffeine you can if you want but it’s not encouraged. Even if it’s part of your culture stay the hell away from it because if you are mad as I am and I’m not going But I am gonna tell you what this is, if you’re not the same exact crap You may as well put down the coffee pod and forget about the idea if it’s in the morning if it’s Tim Hortons, forget it! I love Tim Hortons, but they suck when it comes to going to sleep! 

December 12, 2023 late P.M.

 The real big demon that I had a with sooner or later! My ex! Yes, I want to basketball but I did not play because I was afraid that he was there. I literally feel that hatred of the guy taking over my body! And people were asking me If I was OK. I felt like someone who had a bola or something to that effect where it was like the worst disease imaginable and let me tell you hatred is the worst disease you can ever have is worse than bola because you’re still alive! There is something that had to be done about the thing that was, in fact, my heart full of this toxin. It was the idea that I had a face and get over myself and face. The fact that I had to forgive him if I thought if Created the universe and create and forgive at the same time, should I do the same thing yes. So I didn’t really enjoy my time. I was crying most of the time because I was sad. I felt like I was Ebola victim, Everyone was asking me what is wrong and if I was good? Why wasn’t i playing!  That being said I felt like patient zero of an Ebola outbreak! And I was diseased with the worst of them all! Hatred towards another human being, which was my ex! I let that hatred consume my soul! And now I had to face it! It was hard! I was asking whatever was up there that created everything to help me forgive my ex, for what atrocities he did to my psyche (mental health)!  That being said seeing my friends play when I could made me feel like ebola patient who was discharged from the hospital!   I couldn’t even talk to them! So it was heard! Then I thought about my ancestors religion that was Islam! I have been thinking about that but now I had to purify my self of this disease- hate!   Even though it was geared to one person it only was fucking me and my friends up!

I don’t know why but I decided that disease has gone for enough as far as I was concerned! I did not want to be some bigot and end up in hell! No so what I did was when i finished my video games was look on my phone and ended up looking at the Quran verse my friend written for me and draw strength from that.   I will have to stay in the closet as I need tattoos and piercings to communicate with hid! I have my own spin on things! I am unorthodox and Sufi then anything else!      But it hurt as I wanted to play basketball but could not tonight!   But I had to face the f*cker of a demon!  If whoever created, the universe can help me with the idea of forgiveness by them, forgiving other people as well. I thought I would be a better idea if I tried to forgive the person that was causing me such grief my ex!   I’m not gonna be friends with him, nor am I gonna be talking to him, but I will decide to forgive him for what he has done mucking up my life and everything else. Because he affects everybody even if you don’t think about it, everyone was going around asking if I was OK and if I was playing or not. That being said, I felt like an Victim where are you? Ended up having the haemorrhagic fever of Ebola. That was the saddest part of my life that was the lowest of Lowe’s. Only it was not a haemorrhagic fever like Ebola. It was a hell of a lot worse. It was hatred that got through to me and my immune system, and got right to my heart and my brain. Hijacking half the shit I did! If I had a cleaner break up with the ax, probably things would’ve been a lot different or things would’ve been a lot easier on me as well. If it was just an amicable break up that was easy to say well thank you but I don’t think this is going to work out. But he was a big it to begin with as he did not like tattoos or piercings. How do I know because he said he fucking hated the things! That is my soup for me is my way of praying to God is through tattoos and piercings. I know that’s not exactly Orthodox to my Islam ancestors, but it was very important that it’s to say that my ancient ancestors are addressed as important to. That being said, I’ve been dealing with a lot of emotions because of this I’m glad I went. But I wish I could’ve played.

What I might start doing as far as art project is, might be Islamic artwork instead of dealing with the idea of other things, unless I’m doing tattoo designs. I do have to acknowledge all my ancestors that I’ve had in my DNA test. That being said, I had to look up to a higher power whatever created the universe I I think to help me that was the only cure for my disease that I had been infected for a month. I wish I could’ve just spent 10 days in isolation or something but this was a hell of a lot worse than self isolating from normal people. this was isolating yourself from your fucking friends. That was so horrible! I don’t know why, but it just felt like I was just and contaminated and everything else but it was because of hatred. And something I don’t wanna be proud of because I was not very proud of feeling these emotions being a bigot for the first time even though it’s just to one person. It was pretty sad to tell you the truth to feel like you have a very rare and fatal disease like Ebola, and it turns out as hatred which is even worse cause hatred can kill more people or I can hurt people in many ways that you don’t even think about. That being said , I chose forgiveness instead I chose if I saw him I would’ve said with my eyes I forgive you and that would’ve been at. I wouldn’t have told him personally because I don’t believe in talking to my exes especially the ones that have caused me a lot of problems. This one caused me more problems than last year, which was , Brian Varner ! And he was a real pain in my ass that one, but this was a lot messier than him dealing with. At least Brian Varner wanted to be friends at the end, but didn’t want to deal with me harassing him. That being said, I feel sorry for him that he had to find out the hard way me bullying him as well. I don’t think I’m gonna go along with the Break up routines and unless it’s to be more polite, breakup and more peaceful break ups When I have to deal with another relationship, because as I said hatred, even to one person, it’ll just affect you and maybe your friends. It affected everyone and was contagious to everyone including my friends at the group home my friends at basketball coaches it was a real shit show!

I wanna find that other people will find this religion that I chose that will help me tear me of my problems and help me cope better with axes will be a A lot more rewarding. As well as it’ll help me be around more people even if it is my axes! I would rather show that I am not a hateful person or an intolerant person, even though it was caused by just one person still, I’d rather try to show that I am not hateful that I am peaceful and loving and happy. Well, I can’t be happy all the time but you know what I mean that I can be a good person. This will be continuing on for a long time. This was one big demon. I had a fix right away and face and I defeated it. Even though my ex was not there, It still was heartland to see my friends play and I wasn’t there to play with them to with basketball I mean. It was pretty sad to be honest with you, but it gave me some closure some case because it least tease not always there! I found that it was very disturbing that I wasn’t playing because of my hatred towards Warren human being my ax. It was pretty sad. I said this is gonna stop. I was literally bawling my eyes out in secret and then after I played my video game I had to look at my Koran verse that my friend gave me and then I ended up feeling a bit better and then a lot better afterwards. That being said, I am not usually a orthodox person I will not be orthodox in this case with my religion because it’s important to be yourself!

I also will be working on some of my quirks like my anger. That seems to consume and rage and hatred Towards other people who are not really the people who caused me so many problems in life!

Spread peace and love

Not hatred even if it’s to one person!

December 12, 2023 A.M.

 It’s getting to the point again where I’m having a sleepless nights again, you Can guess why as today is basketball day. I’m not too fond about going to basketball. Especially because my ex will be there and we are not on good terms as far as I’m concerned. Some people tell me to be more friendly and stuff, but in this case, it’s not gonna work out very well because he’s sat in his goddamn ways, There are rooted and rudeness and ignorance. How do I know because he hung up on me when I was in the middle of apologizing and explaining myself to him. I guess he was very interested in having hear what I had to say, and he was very barbaric about this one the one that I’m trying to move from but he keeps popping out like a zit. In other words going to basketball. He is a really big zit in my opinion and I’ve been having some really crazy dreams lately that have been making me question my sanity. I don’t know if this was because of the asshole who literally said that he was a FBI most wanted criminal or if this was the case of my brain trying to digest something a little bit more important I don’t know but something was poking the squirrel my brain that being said I’m not exactly too happy about waking up in the middle of the night again so I might just read a book again I should be reading more books in the daytime, so this doesn’t happen again, but  I haven’t been able to read because I’ve been on a thrifting and packing of assassin lately because I keep saying I want to get the Lord of the rings. One day but I keep thinking about it and then I try to do the manifestation for it think about the Lord of the rings and maybe it’ll show up but I have only come up with a close second that I haven’t been able to sleep at night because the Lord of the rings but because I guess it was just my brains way of trying to digest sh*t. And let me tell you there’s a lot to digest since I broke up with an asshole. And then I’m at the other asshole who didn’t tell me about his criminal background so there’s a lot to digest and one fucking month so far that being said, I was able to find a lot of interesting things on Amazon that I didn’t think would be found siren head related stuff!

This is not why I’ve been staying up all night half the time this is because I enjoy so Ironhead not just staying up that night but the idea of Finding siren head related things, and this was something that I wanted to have for my birthday even though my Birthday is on February 4. I still find that this would be a lot interesting because I had seen So I had twice. With two other witnesses at two different times. When was with a woman named Marcia, The other was with my friend and they were very weird times when I saw siren head said holy shit I just saw siren head. Can you please turn around so I can take a picture of of the damn thing! You know that part already, but the first time I did not have a phone but I had a witness with me who saw the siren head. The second time was I had a witness and my phone, so I was able to take the pictures of siren head without any problems or provocation. Although some people still think I’m a little Luna over that, I’m not that crazy to make something like that. That being said, I’ve been very interested in the siren head to begin with since I went on TikTok or TikTok was still a good site before all this lefty crap came about! It was siren head dance and that’s what got me interested in siren head. I thought it was an alien at first drew a picture of it not a very good picture, but well I can’t do very much with watercolours and then I ended up trying to find out what the creature was and then found out was siren head, Just a little backstory I am obsessed with siren head to the point where I will go completely caca! It is interesting that I have the PTSD and I had become part of the siren head legacy. If you would, as if anyone else who had the So had usually seen sightings of him. It’s just unusual to tell you the truth that people with PTSD are more to believe in the siren head or the see him or something to that effect because well it was something that was based on PTSD to begin with was So had and then everyone who has it usually ends up, deciding that it’s real or is convinced that it’s real. I am not convinced it real I know it is real, that’s why I am a big fan of the siren head because I know damn well it’s not just a piece of artwork! An entity that is out there and is actually pretty scary. If you ask me the only time I ever get a little scary is if I see it, but I also get joy and excitement when I see it as well because it’s very odd that every once in a while, if you see it at all ! Most of the sightings of siren with people who’ve had PTSD. Kind of interesting because of people who came up with the surround and had the or people who had PTSD not that were more likely to be in the cold, but it was just something that was more interesting to deal with our problems at the time we are more creative and more tough at the time than the people these days with the Gen z! 

Don’t get me started on Gen z! they have been nothing but horrible since they infiltrated the TikTok and tried to ruin it. For everyone else by putting their religious and their political views out there instead of creativity and stuff I don’t know what is wrong with this fucking generation, but something has happened, because when I was a kid, I was taught never to talk about religion nor politics is pretty manly in my opinion , That I said, Jen Z is manly sick, and that not manly because the mentally ill are just people who have emotion. These people are literally psychopath. What are these part of the dark triad to be spreading the religion are politics into the world when people don’t need to see that sh*t.   If you ask me, it’s complete Fuckery if you ask me as it’s kind of stupid and they’re more pro war and everything else GenZ that is it’s kind of sad that a bunch of young people have gone the root of UBL. That being said, I find out very sad and they don’t have to be religious. They just have to be sick in the head. To do this kind of sh*t! I heard on YouTube that they were talking about a letter to America, which was written by UBL. Which was pretty disturbing. The kids were starting to think that this asshole was right to begin with one. He’s obviously in the wrong. Doesn’t matter what he had written because he did not say it in peace, he said it in the way of horror he is the ultimate slasher flick in my opinion. Why do I say that about him because he is a garden gnome from hell as well as he had killed plenty of people who would be ultimate/or flick in my opinion! Why how he even had it swinging at me when I was a baby and I’ll tell you that didn’t fly very well because I still alive, and I grew to hate him even more than the average person! That being said that something I’d rather not talk about because it’s kind of disturbing!

Also, with GenZ, I find that I read about or watched on YouTube is that the very vain fashion and beauty oriented to the point where they will end up getting plastic surgery that will cause them to have serious side effects even death and actually that’s not too too bad for me because GenZ has been nothing but a pain in my ass they’re very vain to the point where they will have plastic surgery and have you ever heard of a BBL! I would tell you what the letter stand for, but it has something to do with your rear! They end up taking the fat from your belly and putting it in your butt so you would look like Nicki Minaj. That being said, it’s kind of sad that there’s a lot of these people who want these Brazilian butt lift and they’re trying to look a lot like Nicki Minaj because of her and the ability to do things with it. I’m not gonna mention on here. The idea that everyone wants to look like that now that clothing is starting to go down that same road trendy clothing that is kind of sad to be honest with you. I swear they’re ruining everything GenZ! I don’t know how long I can take anymore of this shit! Because, as I said, I’ve heard about one person, even actively advocating for pro websites, which is kind of disturbing pro is when you are interested in being an eating disorder. Victim is kind of disturbing to be honest with you. The whole situation that this Generation is kind of disturbing tell you the truth. I don’t find it very funny that these people will talk about issues that should not be talking about or have their tissue violated if you would like with plastic surgery. Yes, they would say that tattoos are violating your skin. Well, at least it looks good and it won’t kill me! That being said, I don’t think that violating your skin involves a tattoo or piercing, involves a scalpel and Shawty work! Gen Z is the worst people on the planet. I think I might be some good ones who are trying to turn it around for everyone else but as far as I’m certainly may as well be in the back rooms the back room is a creepy passive video game, and they may may as well be in it as the people trying to get the hell out!

If it weren’t for GenZ, I probably would be going back to TikTok, but only to find out that it would be a pain in my ass again like a Brazilian butt lift!    

December 11, 2023 Late P.M.

 AITA for blocking and restricting a known criminal of my facebook! So I was talking to this person I thought was my friend. We seem to be getting along just fine as friends. Which she was the case with friends. But then one time about 430 Eastern standard time he ended up telling me that he had a criminal past, and that he had to go to court! Also, he said that he was moving back to BC because he was having such a bad time in Alberta. That being said, I was very disturbed at the idea that this guy did not tell me about his legal problems or his legal past let’s put it that way. Instead, he hit it away and was trying to be nice and I find that creepy enough. He was just trying to be my friend I guess but he should’ve told me if he was gonna be my friend to tell me what his past was in the first place. After a good supper, I was gonna block the person off the Facebook. Because I have a zero tolerance for criminals, and the good people in the world. Are used to video chat with him just video chat with him to talk to him and So. He never mentioned his past. Only to mention it right now like at 4:30 Eastern standard time! I was so aggravated at the thought that he mentioned that or decided to mention that right away at this particular moment when I was starting to talk to him and consider him a friend. That being said, I was very disturbed at what he said, I don’t know what he was convicted of or what it was, but I just didn’t wanna have to put up with this kind of sh*t anymore! I have dealt with too many scammers and criminals in my life. And I can smell them a mile away, but this one seem to be a psychopath and was more or less under my radar until he told me that he had legal problems not small claims but criminal instead I found that very disturbing nonetheless! He did say sorry, but I did not mention anything to him. After that I just decided to block him from my own safety. I was about ready to cry just because of the stress of it all. He seemed very nice at first, but then he had to tell me at the wrong time about his past. I found this to be a real shit post in my opinion for him to do! by that, I mean wrong move. I found that he was not going to be truthful, and I thought it wasn’t gonna be a good friendship , not a healthy one at that. So I ended up having to tell him I was ready to curse him off the Facebook, which would’ve made m the situation, and I was ready to be the jerk and tell him off. That he needs to leave me alone and stuff. I was about ready to say that, but I just restricted his account and blocked him and never hope to see him or hear him again. I find that his behaviour was questionable! I have dealt with plenty of people in my life that were not savory. And I have learned to know about them, but as I said, the charisma on this guy was ridiculous that he was the charismatic psychopath. And he flew under the guise of friendship.

I have dealt with plenty of people in my life that were not savory. And I was friends with him!   

Was what I writen in the subreddit am I the asshole! After the guy came clean about his criminal record!   I have zero tolerance towards criminals! As you can tell from the subreddit post that was destroyed by the Reddit community! How was I supposed to say what I want to say about the actual jerk who was supposed to be my friend! And I had some interest in him and when I mentioned that to him. He said he had along rap sheet!   Something I don’t like for the simple reason as convicts should not have the ability to go one social media if you ask me!  When I heard about the criminality I decided to block him but was not enough for me I had to go make a new Facebook As I had mentioning the previous post. It was kinda ridiculous having to make a new Facebook every time So lied to you, but this case this was ridiculously beyond the patio as a guy was obviously a he was going to go to court I wonder who he passed off to cause such a wack ass. Or if it was just a fact that he was a psychopath and was able to hide it from me. That being said, I was very angry about the idea that criminals can have the internet!   I don’t think he should have the internet, if he couldn’t even talk to a decent human being!   What was his deal! I wanted to switch and go off on the little boy that he was! He is just that a child in an adult’s body as he will for ever need supervision from law enforcement! If you are asking I don’t  wish him well or a decent life! I did not even said that he was wished wellness or acceptance by society! 

He was as you can tell from the Reddit post that I was pretty pretty pissed! That was when I decided to create a new Facebook!  Because blocking this people is not enough, they can find loop holes to find to get back to you! And that was what I feared! Never to I give anyone my WhatsApp because of the idea of this!

I was supposed to be dating someone, a woman, when she asked for banking information something that I can not give even if you were to torture me! Will I blocked her and she went off one me, saying she was going to torture me to death if I moved on I don’t know what this woman was anymore and nor do I care! I knew she worked as a TSA agent who was really board certified criminally insane!   That was when my mom was alive and she her me read every grousome thing she was going to do to me! It was disturbing for me and my mother to read this sh*t! So I stayed off dating for a while after that sh*t show!   So you can tell why I wanted to make another Facebook. Also, I wanted to change my name from wicked to celestial instead of dealing with dealing with the wicked people who are going to be attracted to my name that is, was supposed to deter them in the first place, that being said, I decided not to get rid of. I had to get rid of that one Facebook it was starting to go insane with the amount of people with that that extremist who was on Plenty of Fish to everything else in between I thought, and then this guy was a cherry on top by the side. I was done with that particular account and was gonna go back to changing a new Facebook and my name. I wanted to change something a little less scary but obviously it was not scary enough if there was a lot of these a holes running around. 

That being said, I try not to use my real name also because of that woman, they threaten to torture me, as well as other security reasons, particularly creeps that go around on the Internet, asking for nudes or other terrible things that I would not mention I just don’t deal with that very creatively instead, I get angry and go off on them and go insane Some of the time I wonder if I have dissociative identity disorder because I sometimes do take on a different personal personality when these people do stupid things to me in the first place, and I was pretty well vulnerable for that so therefore another personality would come to protect me. I had all the things that involve the idea of dissociative identity disorder, especially the idea of being tortured at a young age that is a big  Checkmark when it comes to dissociative identity disorder the fact that the trauma continued on is another reason why I might have dissociative identity disorder. I only have one or two undesirable personalities. The others are pretty good, but I rarely switch to any of them unless I get a little pissed off or stressed out in someway that I have to protect myself.  it is undiagnosed but it is also under control as well well because I don’t find that I need the proper medication to help me with it. I have other ways of controlling them without hurting myself or other stupid sh*t! I could tell you half the stupid shit that went through in my life. But it would just make you even more upset or trigger you with anything. I remember a Facebook friend used to say that when I’m triggered, I’m pissed off, which is basically what it is is one of your triggering someone even if it’s positively triggering You’re pissing them off! And that is the truth any kind of even if the person does not have any diagnosis or mantle, problems or anything if you piss them off, you are basically triggering them. Could be a completely normal person that you trigger and you don’t know that they’re going to have pet peeves! What we call the community triggers some people would call them pet peeves! And I have quite a few as loud loud noises. Loud people are loud perverts and other undesirable people as well as people who threaten my physical integrity, or my health or safety! That is when I have to make a new Facebook, and I have to find a way to get away from them without them back lashing at me like that TSA agent did threatening me with even more trauma! So that being said, I tried to avoid the idea dealing with outsiders on Facebook, and I know them for sure. I don’t really deal with these people that are obviously psychopaths and sociopath! So I don’t think I really did very good time making that post on Reddit instead, I found that it was going to end up being away from my time as I am not the asshole. I am trying to survive life and trying to survive life on. is that asshole or not! I don’t think so!