Wednesday, December 13, 2023

December 13, 2023 A.M.

Should’ve never had that coffee in the first place. I am up all night it’s not because I didn’t face my demons but it’s because I faced a copper iced coffee which was a big no-no. In my opinion. Now it’s Facebook in my PTSD meds or interacting with my PTSD meds, which is not very fun. I’ve been up since 8:30 PM as being a bitch to deal with! I don’t know why I drink the coffee it must be a cultural thing with me, but it’s something that I must cut out even if it is a cultural thing, because the coffee keeps me up all night. It makes me nuttier than hell. And I’d rather not, I would rather just have some good nights sleep for once. At least this was chemically good news, not stress induced. But still is a pain in the ass to still be up all night even with a goddamn coffee and you wanna be able to sleep I slept for three hours straight. I was not very happy to be sleeping three hours straight but at least it’s not out of anxiety or fear or anything like that at least that I know.  Maybe I’ll work it off when I do my cleaning job this morning. That being said, I was not very happy to be sleeping for three hours only because of goddamn coffee. At least it helped me face my demons, but as I said the sleep is an issue the sleep the sleep the sleep! This is something that should be dealt with right away is the sleep the sleep the sleep! I do sound OCD but it’s because I haven’t been able to fall asleep lately and it’s driving me insane and I wish I was a vampire so I wouldn’t have to go to sleep. I know that sounds childish and what not but it’s better than having to try to fall asleep and drinking coffee and staying up all night and not having excuse for except for well, celebrating the fact that, I faced a demon even though it was a painful bastard of a demon! 

That being said the next time there’s a basketball game and I am going to go there which will be next week. I will not be having any goddamn coffee. I’ll tell you that much because the coffee is horrible to deal with one of you’re trying to sleep a shirt it might calm your mind a bit, but then it races afterwards again. as a pain in the goddamn just to fall asleep because it interacts with your Your PTSD medication is even more annoying because you want to fall asleep! What I found is at the coffee is not my best friend I had a what is it a café coffee and didn’t affect me too much but then this Tim Hortons they have Poulton coffee. Let me tell you that coffee it’s like jet fuel. It’s gonna make you go and say and will make your climb the wall Guardian go to that extreme. I wish I could just fall asleep. I wish I could sleep could sleep! I still have a lot on my mind but it’s not stressful stuff. At least it’s just penpal related things. I would like to be able to penpal my penpals, but it’s too early in the morning to do so. Which is a pain in the goddamn ass.   What I would give to penpal someone right now, but I can’t. I have to just do my blog and try to get some more GD sleep! 

Let me tell you something that PTSD is not a fun thing to deal with the hilarious, susceptible to insomnia, but also comes up in your head My faithless. And it’s very interesting that certain things like caffeine or stimulant can affect you to do have more of this insomnia as I speak this is what it’s going through my head!

Here are my exact fucking that’s as said by faithless!

I can't get no sleep
I can't get no sleep
I need to sleep, I can't get no sleep
Deep in the bosom of the gentle nightIs when I search for the lightPick up my pen and start to writeI struggle and fight dark forces in the clear moonlightWithout fearInsomnia
I can't get no sleep
I can't get no sleep
I used to worry, thought I was going mad in a hurryGettin' stressed, makin' excess mess in darknessNo electricity, something's all over me, greasyInsomnia, please release me and let me dreamOf makin' mad love to my girl on the heathTearin' off tights with my teeth
But there's no release, no peaceI toss and turn without ceaseLike a curse, open my eyes, rise like yeast.At least a couple of weeksSince I last slept, kept takin' sleepersBut now I keep myself pepDeeper still, the nightI write by candlelight, I find insightFundamental movement
So when it's blackThis insomnia takin'-original-tack(?)Keep the beast in my natureUnder ceaseless attack... I gets no sleep
I can't get no sleep
I can't get no sleep
I can't get no sleep
I need to sleep, I can't get no sleep
I need to sleep, I can't get no sleep


So you get the idea of what I’m going through right now that the sleeve is beginning to be a pain in my ass. Or the requirement of sleep in this case. I’m gonna be really trigger warning and spoiler alert bitchy tomorrow because I had some coffee that’s not gonna be too fun for me And I promise the person who fed me the coffee that I wouldn’t tell them that I had coffee therefore I can’t say very much except what I would excited that I face the demon. What should I tell half the people that I had a shitty night .     That being said, I’ve tried everything turning off the screen, doing everything my power to help myself sleep, and it hasn’t done very much Jack sh*t! I really wish people were more like vampires where they don’t have to fall asleep. Or just pass out in the middle of the day instead of dealing with this bullshit. I find this is something that I can’t stand is the idea of having to fall asleep because either I’m having a nightmare or I’ve had a coffee, one of the two it’s really potent coffee the Tim Hortons and it’s really bad that I had that before I went to bed. Maybe I should Have a redo button like they do in the cartoons but I don’t think that’s gonna help very much matters in this case. As I’ve dealt with this for the rest of my life sleepless night. At least this was because of usual coffee not because of the goddamn stress of it, all kind of deal with my ex, and his behavior. That being said, I have forgiven him, even though I say that through the skin of my teeth! Is a lot better than a kick in the pants and it’s a lot better than the feeling. Sorry for yourself to is to forgive someone!

But I just wish the coffee would stop Facebook and or interacting with my freaking PTSD bed. That was a very bad on my part. Now I’m gonna be zinged for the next few days. Frankenstein and if you were to call that drug addict who is strong on something that’s what I feel like right now because I’m Frankenstein and creating things that well. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing because I’m too zinged Goddamn. That being said, I wish I never had the coffee but thought more is the harm and a little coffee. And then this happens!
There is the freaking right there is if you have PTSD you should not have caffeine you can if you want but it’s not encouraged. Even if it’s part of your culture stay the hell away from it because if you are mad as I am and I’m not going But I am gonna tell you what this is, if you’re not the same exact crap You may as well put down the coffee pod and forget about the idea if it’s in the morning if it’s Tim Hortons, forget it! I love Tim Hortons, but they suck when it comes to going to sleep! 


No comments:

Post a Comment

December 21, 2023 - Yule A.M.

 This morning or should I say last night I don’t know what to say 3 o’clock in the morning the witching hour again and I woke up from a very...