The real big demon that I had a with sooner or later! My ex! Yes, I want to basketball but I did not play because I was afraid that he was there. I literally feel that hatred of the guy taking over my body! And people were asking me If I was OK. I felt like someone who had a bola or something to that effect where it was like the worst disease imaginable and let me tell you hatred is the worst disease you can ever have is worse than bola because you’re still alive! There is something that had to be done about the thing that was, in fact, my heart full of this toxin. It was the idea that I had a face and get over myself and face. The fact that I had to forgive him if I thought if Created the universe and create and forgive at the same time, should I do the same thing yes. So I didn’t really enjoy my time. I was crying most of the time because I was sad. I felt like I was Ebola victim, Everyone was asking me what is wrong and if I was good? Why wasn’t i playing! That being said I felt like patient zero of an Ebola outbreak! And I was diseased with the worst of them all! Hatred towards another human being, which was my ex! I let that hatred consume my soul! And now I had to face it! It was hard! I was asking whatever was up there that created everything to help me forgive my ex, for what atrocities he did to my psyche (mental health)! That being said seeing my friends play when I could made me feel like ebola patient who was discharged from the hospital! I couldn’t even talk to them! So it was heard! Then I thought about my ancestors religion that was Islam! I have been thinking about that but now I had to purify my self of this disease- hate! Even though it was geared to one person it only was fucking me and my friends up!
I don’t know why but I decided that disease has gone for enough as far as I was concerned! I did not want to be some bigot and end up in hell! No so what I did was when i finished my video games was look on my phone and ended up looking at the Quran verse my friend written for me and draw strength from that. I will have to stay in the closet as I need tattoos and piercings to communicate with hid! I have my own spin on things! I am unorthodox and Sufi then anything else! But it hurt as I wanted to play basketball but could not tonight! But I had to face the f*cker of a demon! If whoever created, the universe can help me with the idea of forgiveness by them, forgiving other people as well. I thought I would be a better idea if I tried to forgive the person that was causing me such grief my ex! I’m not gonna be friends with him, nor am I gonna be talking to him, but I will decide to forgive him for what he has done mucking up my life and everything else. Because he affects everybody even if you don’t think about it, everyone was going around asking if I was OK and if I was playing or not. That being said, I felt like an Victim where are you? Ended up having the haemorrhagic fever of Ebola. That was the saddest part of my life that was the lowest of Lowe’s. Only it was not a haemorrhagic fever like Ebola. It was a hell of a lot worse. It was hatred that got through to me and my immune system, and got right to my heart and my brain. Hijacking half the shit I did! If I had a cleaner break up with the ax, probably things would’ve been a lot different or things would’ve been a lot easier on me as well. If it was just an amicable break up that was easy to say well thank you but I don’t think this is going to work out. But he was a big it to begin with as he did not like tattoos or piercings. How do I know because he said he fucking hated the things! That is my soup for me is my way of praying to God is through tattoos and piercings. I know that’s not exactly Orthodox to my Islam ancestors, but it was very important that it’s to say that my ancient ancestors are addressed as important to. That being said, I’ve been dealing with a lot of emotions because of this I’m glad I went. But I wish I could’ve played.
What I might start doing as far as art project is, might be Islamic artwork instead of dealing with the idea of other things, unless I’m doing tattoo designs. I do have to acknowledge all my ancestors that I’ve had in my DNA test. That being said, I had to look up to a higher power whatever created the universe I I think to help me that was the only cure for my disease that I had been infected for a month. I wish I could’ve just spent 10 days in isolation or something but this was a hell of a lot worse than self isolating from normal people. this was isolating yourself from your fucking friends. That was so horrible! I don’t know why, but it just felt like I was just and contaminated and everything else but it was because of hatred. And something I don’t wanna be proud of because I was not very proud of feeling these emotions being a bigot for the first time even though it’s just to one person. It was pretty sad to tell you the truth to feel like you have a very rare and fatal disease like Ebola, and it turns out as hatred which is even worse cause hatred can kill more people or I can hurt people in many ways that you don’t even think about. That being said , I chose forgiveness instead I chose if I saw him I would’ve said with my eyes I forgive you and that would’ve been at. I wouldn’t have told him personally because I don’t believe in talking to my exes especially the ones that have caused me a lot of problems. This one caused me more problems than last year, which was , Brian Varner ! And he was a real pain in my ass that one, but this was a lot messier than him dealing with. At least Brian Varner wanted to be friends at the end, but didn’t want to deal with me harassing him. That being said, I feel sorry for him that he had to find out the hard way me bullying him as well. I don’t think I’m gonna go along with the Break up routines and unless it’s to be more polite, breakup and more peaceful break ups When I have to deal with another relationship, because as I said hatred, even to one person, it’ll just affect you and maybe your friends. It affected everyone and was contagious to everyone including my friends at the group home my friends at basketball coaches it was a real shit show!
I wanna find that other people will find this religion that I chose that will help me tear me of my problems and help me cope better with axes will be a A lot more rewarding. As well as it’ll help me be around more people even if it is my axes! I would rather show that I am not a hateful person or an intolerant person, even though it was caused by just one person still, I’d rather try to show that I am not hateful that I am peaceful and loving and happy. Well, I can’t be happy all the time but you know what I mean that I can be a good person. This will be continuing on for a long time. This was one big demon. I had a fix right away and face and I defeated it. Even though my ex was not there, It still was heartland to see my friends play and I wasn’t there to play with them to with basketball I mean. It was pretty sad to be honest with you, but it gave me some closure some case because it least tease not always there! I found that it was very disturbing that I wasn’t playing because of my hatred towards Warren human being my ax. It was pretty sad. I said this is gonna stop. I was literally bawling my eyes out in secret and then after I played my video game I had to look at my Koran verse that my friend gave me and then I ended up feeling a bit better and then a lot better afterwards. That being said, I am not usually a orthodox person I will not be orthodox in this case with my religion because it’s important to be yourself!
I also will be working on some of my quirks like my anger. That seems to consume and rage and hatred Towards other people who are not really the people who caused me so many problems in life!
Spread peace and love
Not hatred even if it’s to one person!
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