We are expecting some Which will cause me to have some money in my pocket one day. Those are supposed to be snowing freezing rain which is very good. In my opinion because I get to shove And get extra money for tattooing! The tattoo I want the morning glory one is 250, 300 bucks! Because of the text “life is a beautiful struggle” something that I got off someone else’s tattoo and took it to horror as I had suffered many dark times and have been triggered more the 100 times in my life! The dark times I had some very horrible thoughts about me , the latest being trying to clean up the mess with the idiot! The that being said I do feel those dark and negative thoughts and emotions but I actually try not to entertain them, instead I just f*cking say what I am feeling and go forward with my life! But there was a time in my life when wasn’t so badass, about 20 years ago, I kept me feeling inside and constipated my emotions to the point where I was in a very dark place in my life! Let’s say I did not tell my mom anything thing that I was going through as I kid until it was too late, which is my only regret was not telling her at the time about the him rights violations I suffered in catholic school! And the forced mass and other sh*t! you force you to go to mass and you have to pay attention whether you like it or not I wasn’t much of a mass person as I was more into nature based things like ghosts and witchcraft! That being stated they did not believe me when I was in Catholic school so that being sad there was a lot of problems going on at the September morning it not even works for me that much I can say! I still remember some of the dark feelings I have. Sometimes I have the nightmares, and I remember reading something on Facebook, that the PTSD nightmares that you have aren’t always a copy of the trauma, but the emotion of the trauma instead! Thant being said I don’t let things bottled up inside!
These are the three demons then I had to deal with it, cause a lot of problems for me. One is the first or self down then anger management, and then PTSD. That being said that was not in the order, they appeared it was for self dealt with the way I was treating school that was causing a lot of problems. That being said, it also led to anger management, which led to having a PTSD diagnosis. showing in the middle with nasfrato teeth! That being said, and the one with Noel John, younger management, the other one that looks more compassionate, his self down. They’re having a meeting and that’s basically what the whole idea of the picture is there. I’ve had a deal with these demons all my life and they’re not exactly my strong suit to deal with them! of course I try to be the stronger person and try not to let things bother me but then again, I don’t keep things bottled up like I used to when I was a kid. That being said, if I never let anything bottled up in the first place as a kid, these demons would be minimal or not even here to begin with! I have many stories about the men that I went through in school. That has led the broken relationships, as well as other horrors that have gone on in my life. That being said, I’m not exactly too tickled about goin to be going to basketball! That being stated, I have to be the better person if I go there and keep my mouth shut. I know that sounds like I’m gonna keep a lot of things bottled up but it’s better this way that I can let her rip when I get home! Which is usually how I do things nowadays is enclosed doors I let her wrap, or I tell someone how I really feel. Without exacerbating the issue. But I just I have dealt with people like him all my life! And it f*cking sucks! Let me tell you it sucks the fat sucker! To the point Where I don’t join in with the special Olympics, Facebook group and unless it happens to show up on my newsfeed on Facebook but I wish it wouldn’t. That being said I’m gonna be on that group pretty soon! That is until I am able to detox from everything!
Just because I am able to date now doesn’t mean that I can be a doormat, but then again, I cannot treat a relationship without the respect and dignity that it deserves. That being stated, I just want to leave the past behind me and continue on with the future in a right direction! I have head to many times with this three above demons, in my life! And I am witch, I shouldn’t even believe in evil. Or the devil or demons but in this case they are there they just come as a form of your past. In my opinion, and that’s why I created that picture of the three demons meeting! As if to sabotage My life more than already has. I will not let that happen. I will face them as they come about or come up! I also started doing an art book. I hope I can continue doing this until at least December and then I can start doing a yearly art yearbook! Highlight my art, this particular drawing of the 3-D that I have to deal with or also involved in the art book! I might even post my photography in it as well! That being said it is what it is it is art! I have one friend who I think he likes to draw! But it’s just a friend…..I know who I like to date as I am pansexual and biromantic! That being said I am glad I can start dating again! But the majority of it will take place on line! As I am not having the three demons that my childhood and school endowed me with! I have more triggers at this moment then my new friend! It suck right! It does!
Today, someone else’s to actually face these three demons all at once head on. As I’ve had to deal with self doubt, with the last relationship, PTSD and anger management. All showing up at the same time not all at the correct order. This was not exactly my fun. That I was hoping to have. I was coming to terms with my mother is death, and I was also coming to terms the idea that I might be in a relationship. It was just a royal sh*t show! It affected my performance at work as well, as when I was dealing with my friends, which brings me grade sorrow to think about the idea that this relationship shouldn’t have happened in the first place I think that it should’ve not happened because I was dealing with the year of not having my mother at my side! That being said, I’m not exactly tickled that I had to get into that relationship. I thought the universe was throwing me a bomb, but it was showing me a bone with thorns! Which was not exactly a good idea to pick up let’s put it that way I was dealing with my mother’s death by working at my cleaning job and doing stone that’s how I was dealing with my mother yearly death anniversary and then I ended up having to deal with this sh*t relationship, On top of things that just tanked everything for me. The self doubt the PTSD and the anger management started to show up in Waze that were about ready to cause catastrophic damage for me and my friends, which I did not want to do I follow a where I believe that I have to protect not just myself, but also the people around me from whatever evil is there I’m sorry for saying that word again, but it is true that there is evil out there you You can feel it in the nature as well as the goodness you can feel it in the air as well as the goodness so it with that being said, I am very concerned about the yen or the negative side of things! I don’t know how to put my finger on. There is some sort of malevolence out there that is going to cause some kind of problems to someone one day it isn’t me, but it is something else and that might cause someone else PTSD self doubt anger management problems.! These demons are not exclusive they’ve been exclusive to quite a few other people or inclusive, unfortunately!
For example, I wish I could say this, but I had too many friends Ended up with nervous breakdowns, or God knows what else Sabrina can do to you. That have caused them of in a mental hospital! This is where, I have to be the bigger bad ass person and deal with this demons head on, and they are in the form of my ex! I am sick of feeling sorry for my self and having this sh*t behaviour! There have been a lot of changes some good like my septum piercing and my 6th tattoo, but there were some not so positive changes as well that cause me a lot of harm emotionally! One of them the relationship with My ex, for example, was very harmful for me. I didn’t think of it at the time but I’ve had I I probably would’ve nipped in the bud! For a time I thought that my crystals were not working worth a sh*t! And was causing me to malfunction if you were to say! But the crystal I feel are working as well as my meds so I will be better!if he thinks that I can’t survive with out him, never so my DNA test, stubborn by nature!
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