What I learned (November 28, 2023)

 I learned some thing last night, and when I wanted to go to basketball and it didn’t work out today I learned something that I should not let this society or one asshole Tell me down to the point where I feel like crap. That being said, I don’t enjoy being treated like crap or feeling like crap by society or some asshole! This is the last, and I should’ve learned before high school long before now. But never got the chance to learn it except through violence. Which was not exactly the best way I would say if you’re a young kid that punching another kid in the face or throat is not a good thing to do! Especially if they will threaten you with every kind of prison you can think of. That being said, it’s very disturbing that I did not learn this lesson or had someone that was allowing me to learn this lesson the easy way, instead of the hard way, at least this time I learned it the easier way. Not to let society or I never Let society tear me down, but one person of all of society was going to tear me down because he was doing this. I was talking on the phone with him. This is the last time I ever talk to him and mid sentence. He ended up hanging up on me and I said To myself, that was the rudest thing I ever seen! In my culture, you don’t do cultures you don’t go around hanging up people when they’re in mid sentence, there’s a lot of politeness and some of my cultures and if you are in polite and some of them them, you end up getting in big trouble! That being said, I’m not very happy about that one but I’m certainly not gonna let them and their actions tell me how I’m gonna live my life. Just like I wouldn’t let society Tell me how to live life and society is norms. Instead, I said if I don’t do anything that’s against the law I am not hurting anyone! For one I am a good person for the other. I am a more than decent human being, and I am a spiritual person at that spiritual meaning I believe in Mrs. not religion to be I believe if anyone doesn’t do anything against the law, then I think they should be commanded as a person and being part of society norms but unfortunately, that is not the case with some pop culture. They want you to be like Britney Spears where they want you to blonde hair, blue eyes, big boobs, and a big butt and a small small waist. Well I’m sorry that doesn’t work that way and anything that stress from that is considered abnormal. That part I knew already about the idea of being positive I was being positive my personality, as well as my body, but I was not positive when it came to being rude. Particularly me being on the receiving end of being rude. Nor do I like being rude myself either. That being said if someone were to call me and try to say sorry I’m trying to clean up the mess. yada yada yada I would say that I am, not going to hang up on them in mid or mid sentence actually because that is just fucking rude! 

I know the guy that I was dealing with would not make it through feudal Japan or some of the modern-day Asian countries that are similar to feudal Japan where if you’re gonna be rude well, that’s you’re unfortunate. And that’s why I got so pissed off and let him tear me down because he was so rude on the phone. And did not let me finish my apology which was not very acceptable to me. In the Asian part of me that is! That being said, I don’t enjoy the idea of being hung up when I’m in mid sentence. But I have learned to be a good strategist when it comes to these narcissistic bastards Who tried to rule everything and everyone in their power it is called Makiavallian, What are you trying to be very controlling and very aggravating of someone else part of the dark triad you should read about that the dark triad which  sadism makiavallianism and as well as narcissism I believe!   To me, I think there is too much of the maki alienism that goes on in society Alienating, or forcing other people who are obviously different in personality, or otherwise, to be alienating themselves! That’s exactly what happened with theism in my Catholic school system, as well as the idea that I had a deal with a lot of narcissist in my life and toxic people! So I was able to one of them pretty soon and was able to read the red flags and make the right moves how to proceed shall we! It is literally a game of mental to stay positive. But important to do so to keep those people from tearing you down. Instead, you should build yourself up and help yourself be a better person! That is what I think and that you shouldn’t give a shit about what other people think about what you are doing just as long as no one is getting hurt or no one is breaking the law. I don’t think anything is going to affect you in a negative way but if it is going to affect you in a negative way because you’re part of the dark triad well, you can stay home I think. I find that the guy that I was dating last month was part of the dark triad or had some of the dark triad triad traits!

They are near there. There is a store and Machiavelli’s, as well as psychopathy And narcissism at that was mostly there. The machoism was there, and my exes behaviour a lot he was telling me not to get tattoos, and not to get piercings because it wasn’t his perspective of life, also, he tried to get me to convert to Christianity. Something I wouldn’t want to do again because there is a lot of Marième and Christianity. I find I don’t wanna say anything mean about a religion, but in this case there is. And this guy was the cause of Machiavellism and narcissism he was always controlling, and if you were to tell him otherwise, he would act like the one he was bleeding instead of stab you in the back. That was my act for you. I’m sorry if I bring this up to you too much, but this is something that I have to say is that there is a lot of medievalism, as well as a lot of narcissism that comes with my ex. All my exes had some trade in the dark triad. The last one before this asshole had all three trades of the dark try his name was Brian Varner! That being said, I was not too thrilled to meet him, but had to give him a try. But that didn’t turn out well either so I go by someone’s aura or if someone has a bad aura or a bad energy or I just don’t like their energy I just assumed that they’re part of the dark triad or they have all three of the dark triad, And move on with my life!

That being said, I am not want to act like I’m being the victim or nor am I the one that would control people except for myself that being said, I don’t like the idea of controlling other people I have written a rap song on Machiavellism, And the shit that it pulls to Other people! Now I do not have very good spelling in this song, as I didn’t know how to spell Mickey Avalon that being said, this is the song that I’ve written out of anger towards my ex, because he literally hit the Hang up button on the phone when I was in med. If it doesn’t get any more controlling than that, I don’t know what is. As if he has the upper hand I don’t think so!

makivallism 

a word that 

I don't practice

a xoncept completely foreign to

me as I only have 

kindness and not control

over 

people

no homie you will not

see me controll you

for you got the dignity 

Of a person prince

I find that love

will conquer 

all instead hate

yo, you cannot control

human DNA 

belief

nor orientation

yes makivallism 

isn't a good fucking 

word

That being said, if you left these kind of people when you lose and by letting them win, is by not doing the things you love when they happen to be in the same activity. Unfortunately, there are assholes everywhere. But if you decide to avoid a favour and activity, IE, me and basketball because of That say my asshole ex. That’s just enough for me to say that I would be the one losing and he’d be the one winning. It would be a lot bad ass if I won the actual thing and I’m actually a good person. I remember still talking to exact one time and she did not have anything nice to say about him either, I remember correctly. I guess they are exes for a reason there to guide us to be in a better relationship. If they can avoid certain things, they will never have a knowledge to give us in the first place.  if I remember correctly. I guess they are exes for a reason to guide us to be in a better relationship if they can avoid certain things, they will never have the knowledge to give us in the first place but then they’re also toxic, but the one that I was talking to was not toxic in the very least! That being said, I am not very enthused about going back to basketball basketball, but if I quit, the asshole wins and I lose out on everything! My plan is that he loses out on everything or at least tries to lose out on me. Because I am a decent human being and he missed out on that. I’m not gonna miss out on basketball because of his asshole behavior. This is kind of like aggressive positivity that I’m talking about where I’m kind of aggressive but I’m also trying to say that you have to be positive or else in narcissist, the Mackens and the other people like psychopath they will win if you do not keep being positive and being you !

How do I know I have too many MFers to prove against when it comes to my life. If I didn’t have anything approved to them, I wouldn’t be fighting half my day just survived the day. Even though most of my days are good nowadays. It is still important to know that the struggle is real. But it’s important to enjoy the idea of living. Or else the assholes win!

This one I want to say, is in a form of a tattoo that I’m getting as well as in the form of a tattoo that inspired this tattoo

“ Life is a beautiful struggle!”

November 28,2023 Late P.M.

 

I had a busy day today so sorry if I wasn’t writing! I did a picture of a rainbow cairn that being said that took most of the morning! That being said, that most of the morning, as you can tell by the drawing itself. It is going to be a price for a contest! That being said, I can’t say very much about it. You’d have to look it up on my spacehey elena Ioana melanson! That being said! I can not post this on my my Facebook! No because it’s is nsfw but it is a surprise, and I if post ed this, it would run it! That being said, I am proud of this picture it must’ve took me at least an hour to do this and that was just on the ruddy iPad!  That being said I will find away take out this on Facebook one day it means patience. Also, I went to the local thrift store today and found a very interesting book that I wanted to read that was about conspiracy. It was about more or less area 51 which is very interesting. I got a few DVDs quite a few DVDs was going to get some more red rings but they didn’t come today, that being said, I didn’t do very much except for draw and wrote to my penpals, because I thought I should get caught up on that on the Slowly app. I think the Slowly app is a very good app. That being said, I don’t know how many letters I am now behind or ahead is very interesting. I like to penpal people to learn languages, as well as to, see what life is like on the other side of the pond or whatever you wanna call it ocean or whatever! That being said, I enjoy learning about different cultures. Most of them. I am a member of except for indigenous American and Latin and African-American. Those are the ones that I am not a member of. That being said, I am mutt! I am a mixed breed of human if you were to call at that. Because of my ancestry, I can write off all the different ethnic groups, but it would take up all the damn blog to do so.! Most of these ethnic groups involved using these stone piles of balancing stones or cairns As they are for art, and for fun purposes, in this case with this Drawing it for our purposes, but in this case, I was going around doing some more I would do some more real Kyren’s, but as I said it was too damn cold out to even build a new Kyren. All the other people have been throwing them or toppling them just for the front of it because they were in the front yard which was a big no-no in my opinion! Never leave your stone out in the middle of the front yard. Unless you want them vandalized on top of by not those kids. They’re being said those are the ones that probably calling the ambulance on the place that I live on a year ago to the state where I remember correctly they dress there to make my life miserable. But I am not gonna make my life more worse off than it is. As far as the jerk is concerned. 

Also, I went to the used thrift store today and I was able to switch stuff with them. And I found mostly a book of area 51 which was very interesting in large print, which is good because my side is beginning to go to crap. That being said, I’m very excited to start reading that book one day, but that’ll be one day right now. I am working on a book on positivity not working on but reading I mean, I’ve been told many times in a calm manner that I should be more positive with my way of thinking and then it would show up in more ways than one. That way I found I started doing it blindfold you don’t usually do things blindfolded, but in this case, I ended up wanting to try it , and then the book showed up at Hoy Hall when I was trying to find another Stephen King book or at least the Lord of the rings. I haven’t so obsessed with the Lord of the rings lately I don’t know why. I want the damn DVDs and as well as the book or books, depending on if it’s in full trilogy or all three books. That being said is very interesting that I need to find these , Lord of the ring books. 

Let’s just say it’s been something that’s been on my bucket list for quite some time to read. I have watched the twin towers before not as in the World Trade Center, but as in what it was called the two towers in the Lord of the rings, and it was very interesting Got me thinking about ghosts for the first Time since I was a young kid. Thinking about ghost, these particular ghost were not friendly ghost or ghost that were going to try to find justice. These were the pools of the dead. I think they were called. Sorry I’m spoiler alerting you, but that is basically what got me into lord of the rings was the pools of the dead, and then he would end up going into the water, and the dad would come up after you. It was very interesting on the last started to write to watch the first one, but it was kind of too much third one was pretty damn good. That being said if I could, I’d get an eye ceremony tattoo on my left shoulder and I would Use the eye of ceremony as a tattoo. That being said, I’m sorry I keep misspelling, but I don’t know how to spell the actual name of the eye. So the all right of us let’s just call it that! so I’ve been looking for a lot of Lord of the rings stuff lately, but ended up with everything else. I wanted that, but not Lord of the rings. Which was strange. I was trying to get their damn DVD trying to get their damn books for a while not that damn in a bad way but damn in a good way. They’re very good books and I would read them again and I would read the hobbit again if I could, that being said, I learned some things in my positivity book they wouldn’t know about that actually writing a book or trying to write write a book is actually good for your brain , at least the short story if not,  reading is good, The writing is a lot better for your brain because it does something with the creativity factor of your brain. Also reading a good book as one thing but reading a challenging book is actually pretty good as well as you’re not supposed to smoke they say it helps you think but I actually it does not. It helps you croak! Also, you’re supposed to roll alcohol and drugs when you’re trying to be more positive in life as well as trying to grow your brain. Other things is you’re supposed to read and try to be encouraged to write in order to enjoy the full use of your brain, the full 10% let’s say. I’ve never heard of a person that use their whole hundred percent or 90% of their brain that would be a pain in the ass for me just to deal with is to use, all of my brains power. That 90% should not be unlocked because God only knows what could be looking in there kinda like this pool of the dead Lord of the rings second book and movie. That being said, I find that there’s a lot of these pools of dead that you want to avoid at all costs!

And I also got some Steel movies as in Danielle steel, That being said there in French that is a little bit repaying the toy but at least they are worth a lot of money and some cases because they’re still in their original wrapping! Which will lead to my memory, which is the fact that I remember reading my first Danielle steel book, which was a grandma Dan. Which was about revolutionary Russia and the last czars! That was very interesting except I didn’t like the fact that the guy was a doctor. I don’t know why I ADAB!  All doctors are bastards! I just lean that way with the rhetoric because of my DNA because I just find the doctors can be a pain in the arse because it is just coded in my DNA is if the trauma of World War III and the holocaust were mentioned in my DNA. Not in the DNA test, but were in Brandon in the DNA as well of Eurasian Roma! And as well as the other people that died in the holocaust, too, that may have survived. Who have been able to have children. Some of them even their children can’t even stand doctors! It’s something that’s in Eastern Europe or something to that effect. I don’t know what it is but it is just something about me and doctors and my DNA test that just say that doctors are a pain my butt!  That being said, I am more thankful about nurses and social workers and everyone else but doctors we could do with that we could have more healers and herbalist, witchs and shamans instead of dealing with these people who are going to be a pain in my arse or your arse!   What is normal in my culture which is herbalist which is in shamans are not normal in western society. And are either looked down or either is seeing as something that is uncouth or heretic! Or on holy! And there goes so easy to be debunked. Which is kind of sad, because ghost in my opinion, or as naturally occurring as the goddamn air breathe!

Also, I was not able to go to basketball unfortunately at something that flew out of my mouth that I didn’t think would come out of my mouth but yeah, I did not get to go to basketball because of unforeseen reasons. It was just an unforeseen reason it wasn’t because of my brain being  Anatomy piece it was just being normal my brain and then they said they couldn’t take me to basketball that being said, I was kind of disappointed. I wanted to face my demons and face them with positivity! Also, all afternoon when I got back from the thrift store, I ended Reading the positivity books that I got at Hoyo and found that it was more interesting than it turned out to be. As I said, did you know that reading is one thing but writing is actually a lot better for you. As well as reading more challenging, and thicker books are a lot better for you as well.! That’s what I learned as well. If you have half a brain since you were born, it’s not gonna affect anything of you not even your IQ. That is something that you should know about is that if you have a brain since you were born Your body will adapt your intellect! If you are under the age of seven, that being said, I did not know this until I read the positivity book about menopause activity, and helping yourself get better!

I have a funny feeling that this positivity book is gonna be more of an impact on me than some other books, or even what my mental health worker had mentioned using. Which is kind of a food forethought that the mental health worker what she finds would help but instead it was the other way around where I find what helps find me. It’s kind of like a vision quest! Where do you have to find your own way spiritually and mentally in nature. This is no different.

November 27, 2023 Late P.M.

 Well that was fixed I thought of itmy self so I don’t have to avoid the game just the asshole!  I told the truth to the team leader and she said she will try to fix everything! Is everything able to be cleaned with cleaning solution? I don’t think so, but a clean mine actually helps or clean desperate mind actually works if you strategist like me! That being said I was happy to tell person running these special Olympics that I was having problems with the asshole! And it’s gonna get fixed. As well as if I have any problems, I can always talk to my friends about it! That being said, I’m very happy that I thought of a solution that would be more civil than Barbaria. I’m very happy about that. That being said, I’d rather not resort to that again again. But it was still a very good solution nontheless! So I don’t have to deal with him anymore. That being said, I can actually enjoy my game and be able to stretch myself out last time I do stretches I like the stretching part of that particular sport because I enjoy stretching. It’s good for the soul and it’s good for the mind as well as the body. I find that stretching is an hard form that some people Take for granted, they say oh it’s just to avoid pain. No it’s to avoid emotional pain and spiritual pain to the stretch. It’s an hard form that is for contortionist or anyone else that is interested in the arts or martial arts. That’s why I do the stretching in Ernest!

I was a martial artist, but I was good at it, but I am more of a contortionist than anything else a contortionist meaning someone who can put themselves in flexible situations in their body, and be able to sit there for a long time without it, becoming a stress possession! That being said, I’ve always had that ability. To enjoy a good stretch. But that being said it was right after I got out of Romania when I was two years old that I remember being in my mother’s laundry hamper and I was doing the pretzel. I was just fresh out of Romania at the time you would think that the torture injuries would be saying like a bastard.! But I managed to get myself into a pretzel possession, and she took a picture of it, and I had a big ass smile on my face ass how strong I am. And flexible that I am or anything, and she put a smile on my kisser!  I always was able to put myself in the pencil position every other position, except for the bridge for some odd reason the bridge is a little too exorcist for me to do I can do everything else, the splits and everything else but I just cannot do the damn, bridge! Try as I might I might be able to get it done one day and be able to do the free freakish stretch that is called the bridge. I am hoping I can do that and then soon to a handspring! Also, I’m getting close to the Russian split the last time I did a good stretch at basketball I did almost the Russian split which is not the scissor splits! Which is very interesting I was able to get up with out cruising or swearing! That being said, I’m the kind of person you wanna socially distance if you kick me off anyway because I am that kind of person that will go out for you. Not trying to be a threat, but I am too strong for my own good sometimes and too flexible for my own good! That being said! When I ended up doing the splits again for the first time in high school a late time to do the flats. I was Thinking that I would end up in the list again because of that special ability but I did not.

I enjoy stretching as hard form like yoga and stuff and hard form that is very well dying. Except unless you were going to the gym and that’s just to make sure you don’t feel any pain. That being said it’s kind of annoying that people take this for granted. Something that I loved to do since I was a youngster, A toddler at the time I was able to do everything. That is not natural to the human body as far as possessions are concerned like the pretzel and stuff. That being said, it is a real art form to be creative with your body, whether be with tattoos piercings, we’re just trying to Get your foot over your head. Like I can do all three! It freaks me out that I’m able to do some of these things except for the bridge. That kind of pisses me off that I can’t do it but then again, anyone have scoliosis. You can’t do everything!

This photo hasn’t been delivered nor has my body. It’s just the way it is. I have been flexible since I could remember. I don’t know if it is because of DNA or because I just like being in more odd possessions that are difficult for other people to get into and stay in and enjoy watching a TV show while being in that position like the pretzel for example! How I can even manipulate my fingers. That being said, I’m very glad I can do that. I can actually play the keyboard, but this is what I can do with my fingers. It’s very interesting. I will show you more about my fingers soon. It’s very interesting to make them into a Croissant, ham croissant! Which is very interesting because you people try to do that and they end up breaking their fingers. That being said, I do it really nearly and I enjoy doing this for fun it’s an art form as I said to do stretching. Stretching is not just an exercise as an hard form that some people don’t really take For face value until they see someone like me do a pretzel or what I did with my fingers or something that fact. Also, it’s very interesting to see you when you can actually do something interesting I’ve always been able to do these things I remember since I was a little kid , i.e. a toddler ! 

See hand croissant. Something that you don’t see every day, but I can do it. I didn’t know how to do that. I just did it by randomness one time and didn’t feel anything that being said is very interesting to see where this might lead me in my life. I’m not gonna go into SA because I’m not a good actor, but I enjoy My foot over my head or in my mouth sometimes usually the case sometimes and it’s very interesting to see that. And being able to. Do these wonderful things that people take for granted the stretching. I enjoy the stretching very much so! Also, I do it for the practical reasons not CR reasons but also the practical reasons like trying to make sure my scoliosis or torture injuries don’t seem worth a pinch of fart! That being said, if I wake up in the middle of a bad humor. And usually that happens when I don’t go to basketball. Because I haven’t stretched everything out even though they’re basic stretches! I take pride in my flexibility that is all most Beautifully freaky. That being said that basically a better way to say what I have been able to do since I can remember. They say that this is because of the stress I may have been in or otherwise, my DNA I just enjoyed being in these positions are So they’re not because of the stress positions so that being said, shut the hell up doctor.!

See, I told you I can do this. That being said, I only do this for art reasons not for any erotic reasons at all I don’t enjoy the idea that people are ruining the idea of contortion for everyone everyone else who’s just doing it for the fun of it! I just go into interesting positions with my body to be happy and healthy, as well as to be an artist. I’m an artist and all forms. SFW only not even close to that G rated. That being said, I’d rather just keep contortion, ready to be gated as well sometimes a possessions don’t allow that to be the case but some people are a little crazy! And try to ruin it for everyone else those people I call perverts, and they ruin everything for just about everyone else even other perverts. I’m not a pervert I just believe that you should be able to be flexible and enjoy being in a position that everyone else can be in. For say, for work reasons only. Like artwork, and Photography or trying to get something out of a cupboard. Sometimes we’re trying to close a cupboard. Sometimes we need to use our feet.  Like that’s just the way it is is if he stretched and you practice for a long time you do a lot of different things with your body that other people cannot do but some people take that and run with it in a wrong direction. I find those people are really disturbed. And should not even be looking at someone like me who is able to get their feet over their head or do the splits or anything else for that matter They are ruining a completely good art form!

November 27, 2023 P.M.

 His afternoon was really busy for me today I was helping grocery shop and I got some moisturizer can of axe, I also end up with a cotton candy soda. This will be my first actual soda as the Fruitopia Doesn’t count for the idea of a soda that I can get that and drink that today. I’m very excited about tasting liquid cotton candy if you were to call at that. Also, there was a lot of things to get on the cart and pretty soon there was a lot of things that were getting a lot have. And I can only do so much. I am only a Himalayan person, person! Not Superman that being said, I had to say that, and was not exactly very polite to say that I am not exactly Superman. Trying to get out of the parking lot with my heavy Shopping cart and some drunk or was driving up to me and I was like you’ve got me kidding me you can run somebody else over! Thank god the drunkard was dealt with but the time we left!  And you remember my previous thing about not suffering in silence, while I finally said that I didn’t wanna go back to basketball because of the idiot! That being said, I’d rather not deal with him anymore at any kind of level until I can fully heal from my own suffering. And have a relationship of my own and I don’t have to worry about him and his bull sh*t!

That being said, I think that’s why my mother came to me in a dream as an anorexic was is that I should speak up When an actual paying period in this case basketball is a very painful thing for me to deal with. I’d rather not deal with the basketball anymore. I know they’re having some money involved with the goddamn But I can’t stand it anymore. The idea was OK when I was well, but I’m not well anymore so therefore I don’t wanna deal with this and deal with him anymore. I even said some crude things about him! Which I will not mention this blog, but they were pretty mean things that I said. That being said, I’m not very proud of saying that, but it had to be said that that is on the Nogo list for me! Or the no fly, It is a clear present for my mental health. At this point in time I’d rather not deal with him and his peacock ways, And the fact that he might be there to go and Ostra. I’d be afraid that he don’t exercise me and that being said, I don’t want to be dealt with with another bully in my life because I had a messy break up with that person. Dealt with too many bully, so I’m just spoke up! That being said, I think that’s why I had that dream last night was because my mother was telling me. Why don’t you open up and say what you have to say. Which I did! I am not too sure I’m gonna get good reception on that but I am not in a good headspace to deal with the idiot or the fact that I was going to basketball more as forced because of the money aspect! If there was no money! No problem! 

That being said NO MORE BASKETBALL!  That is the root of my suffering! Still even though I’m doing better, I would rather not deal with the whole Bball situation! As in basketball! When I learned that I was going tomorrow I spoke up! So I just hope that Other people will understand the fact that I cannot do this particular thing anymore. That being said, it’s better than being like an anorexic, who suffering in the silence! I just don’t wanna have to deal with him being in his shadow and being the victim of any ostracizing or horrible behavior. The last time I called them out on a bad behaviour was not well received by my friends. That being said, I just want to avoid the whole situation is not that I can’t Handle a bully. I know how to handle a bully just fine. I’m pretty strong and I can kick them right in the balls! I would rather avoid that altogether! The last time I ever did that I ended up on the no fly list for 4 years! And I’d rather not go through that again, so I have to say it on the basketball ball! That it bring up other memories I like to forget! Ie! Grade 8 and  elementary school! And catholic school at that! that being said, the Catholic school that I was in, was more operating on the level of a prison. Where the kids had a fan for themselves, and literally do violent things in order to get the bullies. Attention to say no I will not be bullied! And if you were to do those things that were violent, like punch, a kid in the face for calling you the R word you were called out as the bully, so there was no winning with Catholic school and I thought well this is just judging up more of my past!

That being said, I remember it was like prison, but without getting yourself or having free tattoos. That being said, it was pretty rough. You had a fan for yourself, and you had a fight for every day to survive, even though you went home at the end of the day lucky us. Still it was exactly like a praise where you had a new certain things or you were dead! And I find that this particular activity, I’m trying to avoid also grudges up those memories of having to be dog eat dog when really, we shouldn’t be like that in the first place!  That is not a good win shirt especially when you are dealing with a messy break up already. That being said, I’m trying to be more positive in my thinking, but every time I hear the words basketball, I just want to pull my hair out! And that is the honest truth, where if I hear the words it just drives me insane and also the words you have to go!

I have literally decided to dread every Tuesday because of the particular situation I am in! But I finally was told to say what you have to say, and I said it.  I don’t think the Special Olympics is my mental habitat for me. As I said, I tried really tried this year but it came up short as last day of baseball. I blew my stack and I just don’t wanna have to get in that kind of sh*t again. So I’d rather just Avoid  a confrontation And not getting into any books that were negative and anyway. That being said, I really can’t stand this guy the idiot anymore I really can’t. For the fact that he has ruined my health and put me a few steps back and I have to go in literally like I was in elementary school fight for each day to survive!

Let’s just say I’m in sentence you don’t hang up on me unless you want to get cold caulked in the face! That being said, I was very honest and I said I don’t wanna deal with that because if I’m in the middle of a sentence and you hang up on me, that’s kind of a sign that you’re not a good person!  It’s not that easy to clean that sh*t up with soulugaurd! So I just Avoid certain situation that caused masses in the first place that you cannot clean with a clean solution that being said I’m done with backetball!

November 27, 2023 A.M.

 Last night I’m sorry if I didn’t worry about yesterday, it was kind of a busy day, but anyways, last night was not too pleasant for me as I had a Big honker over nightmare. And I think it was an exactly a nightmare as it was a night terror as I woke up at 9 o’clock in the morning. This is 9:04 AM.! That being said, I have been dealing with a lot of stuff the nightmare, the honker over nightmare that was the The fact that my mother was having anorexia nervosa and was Refusing. That must mean that she may have been suffering in the life that she was there would know she had travelled the world and stuff! But I think, just like an anorexic she was suffering in silence. That being said, I don’t know what she may have been suffering from. He may have been suffering from the fact that my father was an a But I think, just like an anorexic she was suffering in silence. That being said, I don’t know what she may may have been suffering from. He may have been suffering from the fact that my father was an asshole! I remember him always yelling at her and stuff. I remember that very much so she just took it as if it was flu shot that being said This is where my hatred of the opposite sex comes from my man acting a fool. Towards women. Maybe putting two or two together maybe it was my father, being a jackass that was causing her to suffer internally that was not very pleasant! I must admit that my father wants to yelled at me a couple of times, but he didn’t yell at me like he did my brother. Oh, they were terrified of him! I remember them telling me that my father was not too personable or that he was always screaming his head off. Was he doing the same thing to my mother and my mother didn’t really talk about it! That being said, it was a nightmare on the last to see someone you loved. It was such a horrific way as self starvation, but that case was a symbolic way of saying that she was suffering internally! Could it have been the cancer that may have been the one that was causing her to suffer internally but I’m pretty sure it must’ve been a mental thing and emotional thing because of her man of death in the dream, which was anorexia! 

That being said, I remember her also when she was in the nursing home, and that she would go on hunger strike just to get her point across that she didn’t wanna be there. If I remember correctly, I think she died suffering like a dog. She didn’t say anything about that. And it just like an anorexic. She just didn’t say anything about the whole thing I was suffering. It was kind of disturbing the dream. I wish I could clean out my brain. Just forget about the whole idea of the nightmare! That being said, I am lucky to be alive and lucky to have loud mouth! That is what I think is that loud mouse make a lot more movement than people who suffer in silence. They don’t do very much except well except they don’t worry. It’s more bad ass to talk about your problem and then it is too It up and nothing more but inside your mind suffering. That being said, as what I think! I am not a dream interpreter, nor and FBI profiler, but I do know that he must’ve been suffering something in silence, and didn’t want to talk about it. That being said, maybe that’s what the anorexia was Symbolizing in the dream. It was very disturbing to see her Why is the way looking like he was someone else completely racially when he died. That being said it was very disturbing to see that kind of thing. I would not hope to wish that on anyone’s enemy is either mother suffer internally!  What is this the idea that my mother was suffering from things He couldn’t talk about that she couldn’t even fathom! I think she must’ve suffered a lot of demons in her life!

Really I think she must’ve been silent with her suffering because of the idea of that time of history one she was born and you weren’t supposed to talk about your problems supposed to keep them inside be a growing up. I think that was a philosophy back then. Although if you were a guy, you were supposed to be tough and masculine and not talk about your problems although my father was allowed mouse, Schnuck, who like to talk about, everything in a fire lungs voice!I really think that my mother was suffering from kind of some void that was inside her that couldn’t be avoided, and she managed to avoid it by not mentioning it to her grave. I don’t know what it was!  I know she was an alcohol, but I know she was a small fat but enough to cause her aesthetic liver cancer. That being said, I was pretty sad when she passed away. But I think it could’ve been avoided. Had she been able to talk more about her problems not with me or anyone else but with someone else maybe. Then maybe that he was still alive!That being said, I think she’s trying to guide me now in this life to avoid me from suffering the same fate. Not that I might have that fade. Suffering and silence. I’ve done that once before and I still want my money back i.e. grade 8! That was a sucky School yearsAs I was suffering in silence, but I was not suffering in the form of an anorexia or an addiction but I was suffering in silence, because I refuse to talk about my problems. Maybe my father is an asshole who was going through the idea in my head and I was just gonna be So work about it, but that didn’t really help!

I’m very sorry that I had the dream (night), but I think it was her way of telling me through this smear world, because I remember waking up at the witching hour. She was telling me not to suffer in silence not that I have lately, but I may have been sort of when I was in that sh*t relationship.Also, one in grade 8, that may have been another contributing factor for me to suffer in silence for a while when I was in grade 8, as well as the crap relationship that I was in! Maybe she was trying to tell me something herself that I shouldn’t go through that ever again! No, I do have a loud mouth to talk about my problems freely where I am now, but I still fear that she might be suffering in the next life in the spirit she might’ve been suffering to as well!

I practice witchcraft sometimes, and I think that the idea of eternal damnation should not exist, but is there someway that could exist. In some forms. In the spirit realm that are not in the form of the devil! As I said, once in my YouTube channel, there is a whale for the good people as well. As around for the worst people on the planet maybe she may have been put in with The worst of the worst by accident forever to suffer. And silence again. I don’t know, but that’s what her soul is more or less giving me signals about!

That being said, still Samhain, The time when the veil Has been lifted from the spirit and the material world maybe that was the same thing with the red and the Facebook that it was the same thing with the witching hour that is similar to Samhain And That the veil decides to lift every once in a while on the witching hour, just like on Halloween. So that being said, maybe she needed to Access me for the reason of telling me he was suffering, both of the material realm, as well as the spirit realm!

If you didn’t know anything before, I am psychic, clairvoyant and empath! I am always interested in the spirit world. As far as I’m able to come in with it in the realm of dreams! The spirit realm is no different from Facebook or space, or any social media for that matter where you can be friended by anyone and everyone! Is the same thing with the spirit realm any spirit and contact you from the spirit realm during these weird times of day or whatever it’s kind of strange to be psychic clairvoyant and an NP. It’s like being forever on Facebook and getting friend requests!

November 26, 2023 A.M.

Last night I did my video conversation for you too with my friend. We were talking about music what we like, and dislike about music.! It was very interesting on the last, but I found Every time I got up to talk, I was cold. Not because of the flu or a virus or because of some kind of fever, it was because of being out in the cold for so long. It was ridiculous! That being said, I won’t be doing that again until the next year. That was really cold, and it was something else all in entirely didn’t help that there was a wind Going through the parade at the time, but I was able to face a real major demon. That being said, I was able to do that and enjoy the parade, but it did come out of cost. I did not want to wake up this morning because of the bitterness of the cold! Yeah, this time of year is not exactly fun for anyone PTSD or not. Also, I find that it gets cold really quickly Once the Sun goes down. It gets really cold really quickly quickly as if it were to be one of my ancestral home and thank God of my ancestral homeland being an Asia so I am able to cove a little bit with the cold, but it was still Aggravating to deal with that being said, I can’t wait for next year for that. Hopefully if this thing comes out, only come out once more and then I don’t have to freeze my little butt off! I had a hard time getting out of bed because it was just too damn cold for me! I found it it just went right through to the bone. If it if it was going to freeze my septum piercing out of my nose, it was so damn cold!

That being said, it was good to face a demon, as well as to enjoy a parade. But it was more important to face the demon that was limiting me from everything else in winter. That being said that was similar to when I went to pop a balloon at the Perth fair And I ended up popping the balloon and Juana stuffy. I would not be as hard to go and pop some random kids balloon. It was for a game. Also, I was going to be fed up. One of these days was not popping the balloons so it had to be done! This was different in order to enjoy the parade and the rest of my life. I had a pop balloon again, and this time it was a cold balloon, which man there was the balloon that was aggravating me in the first place, the one that deal with the cold. I would tell you exactly what caused me to hate the cold, but it would be a little too personal at this point but anyway it’s very interesting to see that if you dangle something fun in my eyes, then I can actually handle something a lot easier and a lot better than I would, and actually makes me a better person, as far as PTSD is concerned, it was a lot easier to just stand in the cold. It might not seem like it at the time, but it was a lot easier to stand in the cold and OK it like it is and then enjoy whatever float came by whichever one it was your favourite you just had to whip out the phone and take a picture of it! There were quite a few floats that were my favorite. But I can only fit in five that night last night as I was freezing still in the inside from the bitter cold. It was like as if it was trying to freeze the septum piercing out of my nose and trying to freeze my skeleton out of my body If you get my draft!

Also, I’m suffering from a runny nose! Which is not exactly fun. The runny nose means you’re stuffed up and sometimes you can’t breathe properly or you sound nasally. That being said it’s not because of me changing my septum piercing is because I decided I was I guess my boy was going to be a little bit off. That being said, I don’t know what is going on but I do have a lot of Issues breathing right now with my nose. That being said, I don’t have a sore throat or anything I just have the idea of that if feels like I’m being water boarded! Excuse my terminology, but it is literally a runny nose is a form of simulated drowning in my opinion it’s not fun I’ve had a wake up to a couple of those in September! Also, I found that the cold last night did not help with my runny nose. Not as in the virus, I meant as in the lack of temperature I had did with. It was a fun time fun always had to be all, but it was also a snotty fest for me this morning.   I find that I don’t like having too many of those in my nose. I’m sorry for being so crude without talking about the inside of my nose but I’d like to breathe and smile sometimes it’s not because of Covid or else I’d have the accompanying sore throat. That being said, I found that this was more of a temperature thing that the cold was buggering up my nose, as far as not always concerned, as I don’t use the sound button case it had to be sad that the cold makes your nose run!

Also, because of the cold last night, if the bathroom window was open, I was gonna have a real fat because I thought I have had enough of the goddamn cold for one night. Even though it was beneficial for me to face that particular demon just like I did face, another demon in the Actual earth by popping that balloon was that balloon Was ever allowed to begin with I mean, I can still hear the shrill pop. But it had to be done number one for a stuffy number two for my mental health. I will be done Having a pain in the arse between my ears, that thing has been nothing more than a pain in my ass. If you know what I mean sure I might be knowledgable and smart and a lot of things but when it comes to the PTSD it’s time that the pain in the ass goes in the jar!    If it wasn’t for the grim reaper, for, I would literally put my ass brain into a jar every once in a while, and I don’t wanna deal with it. But because there is a risk of death of putting your brain in a jar, I would rather face the fears in the Demons that I have to face and then have to deal with a little bit of a pain in the RS afterwards and then just go on with my life. Because of that goddamn, Grim Reaper.! Let’s just say you cannot put your brain in a jar without croaking!  Right now I’m trying not to move a muscle because it is too cold. I get cold when I feel I have to move and it is very aggravating. It’s not because of any illness. I have runny nose because of the sheer freezing temperatures that I had to deal with. I think it was subzero temperature last night! That being said, I’m not trying to be a pain in the ass and trying to complain, but it was pretty cold. Everyone was probably rocking themselves to warm that night last night!

I’m just having a little bit of aTuchis (butt day) And go and enjoy the warmth. But it’s getting really hard with some people telling me I have to do things I’ve been so they find it very aggravating that I’m trying to relax and there’s these things I have to do like mouthwash and stuff so that being said, I’m not exactly tickled about the mouthwash, because instead of tasting like grape, it tastes like, tuna or spam meet!  Disgusting!

November 25, 2023 Late P.M.

 As you can see, I made a transformation and more way than one with my head. Also, did I shake my head half my head actually! I actually got rid of my PTSD. The one thing that was causing the PTSD, which was the cold. I went to the night parade for the Santa Claus parade in Carlton place, which was pretty good! That being said, it was blistering cold, and it was colder than a bastard. I didn’t really enjoy it at first when it was so cold, but some of the floats were pretty good, and I enjoyed some of the floats. Some of the floats he will not understand, but they are cool! Anyways, I say my head after I got back from the Santa Claus parade because I thought my brain deserved a little bit of a reward for dealing with the actual trigger that trigger The PTSD, the cold. That being said, I was very happy to see the idea that I was going around, enjoying the cold, but it wasn’t too enjoyable, for my fingers are toes. Not that I was wearing sandals, or anything, but it just was piercingly cold! Well, at least my feet were covered. My hands weren’t too covered properly. That being said it was f*cking cold! Yes, it was cold because it was a nighttime parade I Did the exact same one years ago and didn’t appreciate it as much as I did this year. Last time I was freezing to the point where I was having flashbacks and I was also starting to go through pain. Today was just physical pain, but there was a lot of enjoyment with the floats being said I enjoy going to the thing sometimes as a little rough on the finger is when you’re trying to keep warm! But I managed to snap a few pictures which were pretty good floats That I enjoy very much so needless to say, that was very interesting parade. I’m gonna start off with my favourite ones and well those are all my favourite ones actually. When I saw the person with a different hair, it was at McDonald’s and I said I was going to shave my hair half my hair. Which I was going to do after the parade. Fast-forward a bit!

This one was my ultimate favourite one of my ultimate favors. They were rubber gloves, a car used to avoid COVID-19. That being said, I enjoyed this tree! It was interesting, but it also reminded me that the goddamn virus is still around. Excuse my French but I’d like to pop those soccer balls really good! That being said, they do look like a mutant soccer ball. So I called them soccer balls that being said, I actually enjoyed this flow. It was pretty entertaining and very clever I thought it was very good float. In fact, I might use that as my Facebook profile cover! But I will not mention my name is on Facebook because I’m not loving any asshole on Facebook! This being said, this is one of the best friggin things I’ve ever seen was the tree. I caught a glimpse of it before the parade. I thought I have to take a picture of soccer before hand, and when it was lit up, this is what came about was a beautiful looking tree made out of latex gloves! That was very interesting. I’m pretty sure that was a health organization that did that, They’re trying I don’t know what that was about but it was very interesting indeed to see the different gloves on the tree making a tree actually. That being said that one was cute one of my favorites! I found that it turned out to be my colours when I took the picture. Of the actual gloves and the tree gloves are being said my favourite colours are pink, purple and blue. These look wonderful they like these colors. This was a clever and Conceptual idea that I found very interesting. This might be a tattoo in the making for my other arm. I don’t know we’ll see! The fact that they inflated the gloves and poured it Them in the trees. I was pretty interesting that they poured their heart and soul out on this. I found this going to be pretty good.!

This one was a simple thing. It was pretty cute. I enjoyed the music in the parade. Christmas music is always good to listen to. When it is the time of year and it is the time of the year this one tree was very cute. It won my heart over, as I said, this one was the best one I’ve seen other than the glove one this one was a simple design that was very beautiful. I found those to be wonderful and it was a cute little tree that was behind a truck. That being said, it was very interesting to see. I also enjoyed that. I wish I could take it home with me, but I didn’t but I did take a picture of it. That being said, I was very happy about that that was before my fingers were starting to freeze off  And the cold is freezing out my septum piercing that being said it was pretty cold out I’m gonna make an emphasis that was pretty cold because it was cold and I was reminded when I was a younger kid about three or four years old about three years old when I wanted to lay out the night, which is a thing in Almont Ontario, where you go to see Santa Claus come down the chimney has sparks of everything and they light up everything. It’s kind of interesting I saw that and Santa Claus parade that year, when I was just three years old or 2 1/2 years old that was very interesting indeed! This reminded me of that, instead of the blistering cold. Even though it was still blistering cold, and I’d like to get rid of the cold half the time. That being said, it was very interesting to relive a childhood memory through this. It was very interesting, and I would go through this again even the cold, just to see that tree, and Maybe even see light up the night in Almonte again.  

I have a lot of memories about Christmas. When I was a little kid. I’ll mention them in my advent book. That being said this is basically one memory that I love was the Santa Claus parade as well as the idea of light up the night in Almont Ontario! Elmont Ontario is my hometown. I’ve lived there for 28 years before the actual time I decided to move out into my group home because I was getting fed up that being said that was enough for another time with my blog right now I am focussing on an ice green truck and green tree. It looks very interesting and I found that I had to take a picture of that one too because it was very interesting. It looked like a pimped out vehicle! It was very interesting. It looked like something Snoop Dogg would be in the first place, or I should say would be in the first place, because it looks like a complete snoop dog thing if it was more so purple than green but I don’t think he really discriminate against his colour when it comes to the pimped out vehicles this one I really enjoyed. And I found that it was very interesting as a hip-hop had as someone who likes hip-hop and rap also is a rapper as well, I found this to be very relatable even though it was Christmas it was relatable nonetheless. And I was able to enjoy half the concept of this one the green light truck that looks like a pimp vehicle! That being said, that one was one of my favourites I’m only showing you my favourites I’m not showing you all of them cause that’ll take me all night and all night it’ll take!

This one was a Halloween theme slowed. I saw that one before the parade even started. That one was very interesting. I said, I think I just saw the Grim Reaper the bastard who took my mother! That being said, I call him the grand rip-off instead of the grand Grim Reaper! So you can imagine me doing this one, but it was Halloween related I enjoyed that one a lot. But I was still booing in my head the grand rip off of the Grim Reaper as some people call him that was very interesting to see how Christmas after Halloween was over and after The Remembrance Day! that being said where we were standing the school was a little off schedule and it was still saying let’s remember November 11 and I was like it already passed. It is the 25th. But I still enjoy thinking about the people who gave up their lives for us, but anyways grand rip-off that one had to be the ultimate favourite second of The latex glove tree, which was very interesting. Someone pointed that out before the parade started. That tree is made out of gloves. That being said, I’ve been very interested in seeing that, and I was very vigilant to find both this one and the tree of gloves! That being said, it was very interesting to see all these different creative designs of fact that they put the Halloween in there was pretty interesting! This one was pretty interesting, because Halloween is over but it was still not over if you know what I mean we are still in Samhain, Until you come. I am a bit of a wet. That being said, I believe in green and white witch craft, as well as being a cosmic witch. That’s what I am, or some people mistakenly call a starwitch! That being said, that was very interesting to see a Halloween or Samhain Flo ready for you to come. You will be coming and I’ll be happy about that. That’s the shortest day of the year.!

That being said it was all also a Santa Claus parade, and I told in the beginning. And I saw Santa Claus and I yelled at him. Give me Lord of the rings for the simple reason is, I’ve been looking for the Lord of the rings movies as well as the books for quite some time earlier today when I was at the Garage sale at Hoy Hall. I was trying to find a Lord of the rings, book or books, depending on if it’s a complete trilogy or if it’s three bucks as is. That being settled in fine, lord of the rings are found everything else but Lord of the rings so when I saw Santa Claus come up and his flow give me Lord of the rings! I know that sounds rude, but it is what it is. I’ve been trying to find the Lord of the rings for quite some time both movies, books or the trilogy in a book. That being said, I’m very interested in fantasy and So as well as horror and romance novels. I hope you’re hearing this, Santa Claus! I am not want to be judgmental, but I do believe in Santa Claus in a bit when it comes to being 34 years old yes I’m 34 years old and I still believe that the fat man exists! And there’s nothing wrong with that. As long as you know, you have a grip on reality. I’ve always had a grip on reality for the longest time in my life ever since I could remember so I don’t think I have to worry about reality. Except for when I’m reading a good book, that’s the only time I break from reality! Or maybe cobra Kai or if I’m doing fulness that being said very happy that I am very literate. To the point where I can aggravate people. Laugh out loud! Including Santa Claus!

This picture I took just as I was here and give me Lord of the rings. That being said, that was a very interesting way to say, merry Christmas to the fat man himself, but I had to say, give me Lord of the rings because it was driving me not since October trying to find Lord of the rings, I’ve been a hoy Hall I’ve been in the, everywhere there is books, and there is no freaking Lord of the rings and drives me completely bonkers. I find everything else, but lord of the rings, nor the hobbit kind of is a little aggravating if he asked me! Also, I’m currently reading a book that I found today at Hoy Hall that’s about mindfulness. Wish I brought that when I saw the fat man belt it out Give me Lord of the rings. That was kind of rude.   All all a good day, nonetheless. I found this was very good, and I was able to face my biggest trigger, which was the cold.  That being said, it wasn’t very easy facing that mother mother, because for the simple fact that your fingers and toes go numb after a while, and it hurts. Other than that, I enjoyed the Thanksgiving parade very much so that being said, I do that again I know what to do I what I did to avoid such cold weather like the last time that I didn’t enjoy it as much last time which was a few years ago!

November 25, 2023 P.M.

 

So I went to a sale today a sale as an a garage sale like saying that was very interesting. Indeed, I went there one time ago to see what kind of interesting things they had the last time I had piercings that I did myself this time I went, I had piercings now that We’re not done by thank God. But anyways, so I went back after about three or four years and I I got an eye full of stuff as you can tell one of them was a watch rang something that’s Y2K that I’ve never had seen in a long time. Also, I found these Chinese stress balls like necklace and earrings that I love very much. As much as he can love a pair of earrings, and a necklace, also there was a lot of things to look at those more Christmas stuff because well it is getting to that time of year is Christmas. I’m excited about that but I just want the snow to fly. I know some people are thinking masochistic to say that the snow should fly, but it is Christmas. I’ve always lived and grown up with a white Christmas. It’s always been that way with me I’ve never had  a green Christmas except for when I was in grade 5 and six that was the only time that I had a green Christmas other than that I prefer white Christmas is because those are the usual ones that I’ve been through. That being said, there was a lot of Christmas stuff but I managed to find stuff there was not too Christmasy. Also, I was able to find books that  were pretty good. I wanna show you pretty soon they’re more about mindfulness as well as mental health and other things as I’m trying to get myself or my ass Back on track after the sh*t show with my ex! let’s just say as far as he was concerned, I am still catching up on my sleep. That being said, I found some more that might help me in the long run. I am going to dive into them as soon as possible one is called positive living the other is doctor Oz books the you books! That being said, that’s what I found!

Some of the books that I have found, and I have to do a big purge on my room, and I do not talk about the Halloween costume that I did the purge meaning a good cleanup. Make room for the new and get rid of the old kind of thing but I’ve been trying to do that for the past four years or five years trying to read my books but it takes a lot of time. That being said, I am going to just do a huge little fashion clean out. Tomorrow after I do my job. That being said are basically the books that I got that was very interesting indeed. As well as they are gonna be interesting and how they will affect me in the long run the idea of being more mindful and being my Emotionally well about things would be a lot better than having to run in the dark and not know what the hell I’m doing kind of thing! It’s run around in the dark. Thinking you know what you’re doing when you don’t know exactly what’s going on. For one I rather just say that as is. But anyways, there was a lot of Christmas stuff which was interesting. I also found a book that I wanted that I was going to get years ago and another book that I compulsively read years and years ago. You’re going to know that I am a obsessive compulsive reader! And author, because I like to keep my reading and writing Updated to make sure that I have a good brain on my head and a good creativity! I find that book or the centre of creativity. It isn’t just the paintbrush or the guitar that helps with the idea of creativity. You have to start your imagination somewhere so you start with books! Also, this year for Christmas I’ll be going to a friends place for Christmas as in my family has more or less been a bunch of jackasses! That will be another story. Another time is how my family turned on me after my mother’s death. That being said they’re not my family anymore so that being said enough said!

I am very excited to go to my friends place for d Christmas! Because I enjoy friend more then I do my relatives! As you might find out that I am a juggalette! That said , friends are more family than the f*cking relatives! Let’s say that my aunt and my brother both are blessed with the same form of psychopathy! And I think it is a rare form of the sh*ttiness! But my relatives are in the past, except for one that being said, I tried to ignore that one as well. My other brother I’d like to get rid of as well as far as disowning as concerned because I’m just done with who relative sh*t! I find my friends are more my relatives than anything else instead of the people that you were born into or legally adopted into they might have some sway, but they don’t have all the sway, especially when they all have the same kind of mental illness! Psychopaths! that being said, I just liked to forget about them I mentioned them a couple of times. My aunt was a real piece of work who was calling me everything under the sun and then that was about it. That’s when I snapped and said I’ve had enough of that particular, part of my life and wanted to move on! So I go to my friends for Christmas instead of some toxic sh*thead relatives who will f*ck me up in the head! That is what my relatives are good at, mind games and only that!    That is how I got hurt by my sh*thead brother! Mind games! That and he drinks like a f*cking fish!   As well as he domes like a wildfire!   That I just don’t need!

I am just happy to hear the Christmas music and other Christmasy things soon enough the Christmas lights are coming at one by one, but it’s very interesting. I just can’t wait for the tree to come out well it is out but to be lit up like while a Christmas tree. That is my favourite thing about the idea of Christmas is a Christmas tree and being able to give as well as receive.! More emphasis On giving than anything else because you get to see the price of look on everyone’s face when they open up the presents and see what they have found. That’s my favourite thing about Christmas is being shocked and odd, and what I find as well as being shocked and odd at the person face when they open their presents, and seeing what they find find! Is very interesting for sure. I enjoy this time of year. As far as my mother is concerned, she is still with us. It just means she’s not able to be seen as far as I’m concerned she’s not able to be seen but that doesn’t mean she’s not worth a at this point or time of year. That being said, I decided not to Use grieving as an excuse anymore. I decided that I was just gonna move. He was gonna move on with me, and that she was going to be a part of my life even though I cannot see her! You can tell I believe in ghost, so that the ghosts are a big thing for me in my life, and in my philosophy and life philosophy, that they do exist their naturally occurring and they’re there for a reason sometimes it’s just to reassure us Is still there with us or that they are trying to reenact something that they need to have dealt with! That’s my idea. Some move on and some don’t. My mother will not move on until I am perfectly happy and healthy and the squirrel (brain)! I’m trying to work on that myself as we said with the book so I got today!

It’s kind of cold outside but it’s kind of nice one. There’s a sun is very interesting this time of year when you think it’s gonna be superiorly cold and it turns out to be actually not so bad in the sun. That being said is very interesting how one day can be extremely cold the other not so bad depending on your mood if you can handle the Cold and everything depends on your mood! That being said, I’ve been trying to work on my mood, trying to be a lot better and happier!   Like my friend mentioned the other day!

November 25, 2023 A.M.

When I was going through Facebook, I saw these heart-shaped moon collections. They looked very interesting so I ended up being some artwork about them. They might be Book Covers one day I don’t know, but let’s see what happens! The actual picture of the heart-shaped moon collection actually peaked my interest and thought maybe I should try to do something like that. That being said, I did five of these! I tune to the moon because it is more of a female or feminine energy. That I know for a fact, I am always interested in the moon, even if it is full and aggravating that being said, I find that the moon is very interesting, especially in fall and winter. When it’s nice and big and round! The moon I mean! There is something about the moon that makes me think about my other past lives, as well as maybe my next reincarnation what will it be. And other things like that it’s very interesting where the moon can take your imagination and that you run with it. In this case, this is what I’ve done with a few of the artwork That I did with this particular artwork I don’t usually take other peoples artwork and then run with it, but in this case I had to do this because it was very interesting do this sometimes when I’m bored or when I just feel like there is something interesting instead of dealing with boring stuff like drawing and stuff this is more interesting sometimes! I haven’t created anything in a while because of certain dramas that I’ve been going through as well as I’ve been talking to people. That not being a drama saying that’s just every day life. So I’ve been talking to one person which seems very interesting! They seem nice and stuff so I might try to talk to them some more. Well, they do have their flaws, but they are human but at least their flaws do not involve sex! Or the need to see it or obscene photos that being said that seems like a decent person to talk to! I was talking to them mostly all day yesterday that being said, I’ve been trying to see where I can come up with my next art piece. Not for my body, but just for the idea of doing something to pull it out of my head.!

As you can tell, I have a psychedelic mind. I don’t need so psychedelic drugs or psychedelic says they’re called or psychedelic drugs, as I have been pretty so psychedelic with my imagination for the most part of my life, since my mother gave me those watercolours when I was having that bean fit, when I was four years old! That being said, I find that once you create something you’re able to change something and change the world around you. Also, I’ve been taught that when I was doing my face paint classes. It’s very interesting where you can create something and then I can create a difference with someone’s life. That being said, I’m more interested in trying to write stories about, the moon and stuff and see where that will take me because this is a good concept.    I don’t know why I did the thing it’s probably because it’s a love thing, That being said, humans are animals we do believe in being involved with other people. As if we are no different from dogs or wolves, we do live in a pack society! That being stated I can’t be completely alone even if you try, you can’t because there’s only so many times you can be alone and then the rest you need other people to be with you at all times. It’s just a matter of we call it love the animals would call it pack mentality But it is important to see that humans are important. I might just come up with an idea for the storyline of these books. Hopefully they can come out good. That being stayed that I don’t know if I should write a love story or a fantasy story or something to the likes of whatever can come to my mind I was thinking about something about the moon and then writing about the moon and seeing what it can do and stuff like that! Let me think for a second!

This is about where people have to live under the moonlight where the sun is not obscured, but can only be seen once in a while to help fuel the planet. Where are the moonlight rains? And there’s always a full moon or some sort of light in the darkness!

That is the premise of the story, or the at least the actual storyline or summary of the book that I might come up with. That being said, I’m very interested in seeing where that will take me it might be sounding a little sci-fi, sci-fi, and anything else where people have to cope under the moonlight and stuff, so that would be very interesting. As if it were the Tokugawa era of Japan! That would be a better example of what I’m talking about. Where The sun is only the fuel, the planets basic needs, and humans have to do the rest in the moonlight. That being said, I think I might just put this in feudal Japan because I’m just that kind of a person that I know more about the sengoku There was a lot of fighting and stuff in Japan and stuff like that that was more of my speed. As I used to play Historical video based on the SenGoku period of the parents, one of my favourite periods of Japan if you were to say that because there can be a lot of eerie things that go on in that time not just fighting and other things but there’s a lot of strange things that can go on at that time. I enjoy that time in Japan’s history, because there was a lot of honour in this case! And the same goes with the early Edo period!

Also, I’m going shopping today so that should be interesting. I’m gonna see what they have in the sale. That might be interesting. I’m just gonna try to see if there’s any rings that are interesting in there. As I like rings. That being stay, sorry for the Change of topic, but it’s very interesting to see where essay can take you. I just hope I can find a good deal and I am cleaning my room out today so that being said if the p.m. part is going to be a little late because I’m cleaning out my room like a SOB! That being state that I’ve been meaning to clean out my room out of some stuff that I don’t need and And the stuff that I want to keep that being said, a lot of stuff that’s from being thrown out. I’m very interested in the sale and seeing where that will take me. As far as the moons are concerned, I think the thing will be in the sengoku period of Japan because it’s stress the way I think it’s a lot easier that way as if I’m looking for rings in this case. Easier for me to find something that is a lot easier than I can go on wrong with. So feudal Japan will be the way for my stories. As far as I’m concerned, I don’t know if they’re gonna be a love story in there or anything I hope there isn’t, but it’s very interesting where there is a lot of creativity with these, moon hearts! Then go and go and run with the actual design that you come up with! That be stated, I won’t be very much saying anything very much more. Except for some of the stories I don’t know what the characters will be or how to develop the characters. I can’t use spacehey Format. Because in the feudal Japan, there was no space hay or my space so that being said, I just have to go with what my gut goes with.!

I am thinking about this that’ll be very interesting. Indeed I don’t know what the careers are, gonna be like if there’s one that’s gonna be Yakou their house one that is a yakuza because it only adds to the conflict in the story I find. That being said, I’m very interested in what the characters turn out to be and stuff like that. Let’s see what this will end up, turning into when the time comes! That being said, I think there might be some love stories, but there might also be some fighting and stuff, not like James Clavell Shogun, but instead similar to my idea of Funeral was like with a samurai and stuff that being said, I don’t know why this one has a desert in this particular picture I think I just chose it for that region but anyways, that won’t be any story figuring other than that I’m actually gonna be figuring out the story for the rest of the day as I clean out my room and stuff. That being said, I am also going to be doing And the topic is music. So when I look through my stuff, look through my CDs to see where they come from and if they’re good enough to stay in the pile. That being said, I’ll also have to do the same thing with my Books, which is gonna be a lot painful for me.! I find that a lot of stuff is very interesting indeed when it comes to when you clean stuff out, you find a lot of other things that are very interesting indeed! That being said, it might even spark my imagination You really have to be in love with in order to get an idea in your head from cleaning in the first place. That being stated it’s very important to be cleaning and enjoying life but also it should be a thing about mindfulness as well!

Well, I can’t wait for the sale and see what the sale is gonna be like. I hope I am able to get something nice and interesting. That’ll be presented in the next blog post. Whatever it may be. That being said right now it’s just my artwork that being posted and the storyline that I might think that I might do in the first place. That being said, I hope that Both and going shopping will be a lot fruitful for me as well as cleaning my room and cleaning the stuff that needs to be cleaned out like Michael Bublé CDs! I can’t stand Michael Bublé as you can. Guess I can’t stand them! Let’s just say that Michael Bublé thinks she’s the next friend Sinatra and that’s not exactly true I could be the next Nancy Sinatra but then again, I’d rather keep something to myself that being said, why don’t you just sometimes keep your dreams to yourself instead of practising them, Michael Bublé, who can’t sing with a pinch of fart! That stated, I don’t like Michael Bublé‘s music thinking that he can sing when he can’t sing his way out of a wet paper bag or it sounds like really old stuff in the first place of old stuff that I wouldn’t like to listen to in the first place. That being said, I am really honest why I have to say I don’t like Michael Bublé. That sure is a good turn out for the most of the things art works And I might just decide to go and create my way out of a wet paper bag just to see what might happen. This is where I’m going to create something interesting in the first place! And I might post it on Amazon if it’s worth the time and effort, and it usually is worth a time and effort to create something!    Tell you the truth I knew of the sengoku  period In Japan a long time ago when I was about 14, 15 years old and I was doing martial arts.! 

November 24, 2023 Late P.M.

Well, this morning, it was colder than it is. It was cold enough to freeze out a piercing a body piercing that is. That being said, I was not really pleased to go out, but I was pleased to go to the book exchange box, or the mini libraries that are called. I found a bunch of good bucks, but these three were the ones that Stood out until they were rare. One is one that I wanted To read for a long time of The mountains won the once upon a time on is a rare book, and so is the RL Stein book that I found was pretty rare. That being said, I’ve been very happy with what I found there were other books that were interesting, a lot of fantasy and horror that were found in there. As you probably have known before I am very interested in a lot of horror and a lot of creepy pastures. The middle one is the untold story red riding hood I can’t wait to bite Into that one because it is so interesting. I’ve read the red riding hood based on the red riding hood movie. There was about 10 years ago and I read that it was pretty interesting and the movie was pretty good but my father was a stingy bastard so he didn’t enjoy red riding hood as much as I did but I enjoyed red riding hood! It was because my father was there. I had to read the book, but then there is this once upon a time read untold tale that I haven’t read before that I have to bite into that being said it’s very interesting where you find your rare. That’s where I find when you find rare things is when people decide to chuck them out the window. That being said, that kind of pisses me off that people would throw away rare things, and not know that it’s rare. How many times do I have to mention that you can throw out rare things make room for them if you find out the rare because I found in the past goddamn week coming up tomorrow I found a classic game of the original classic game of trivial pursuit, as well as a 10 karat gold ring as well  Then these books were there and I’m like these people are really getting Trying to avoid keeping things that might they made the money or at least make them happy. If they don’t make them money, they can at least make them happy for a little bit longer. But people are such jackasses! And then there’s other people like me who are willing to take in these things we are called pickers! It’s a slang for someone who takes rare items that no one else wants. They go Thrifting or they go to recycle centres or little libraries. If you want they find in the neighbourhood and find stuff that other people would be very sorry if they found out that it was rare! My journey started during the COVID-19 outbreak. I’ll be going to the streets just to see what people would throw out just for a chuckle to see if there’s any books there that might be interesting. Didn’t have to be anything good in condition I mean. But then I found some paintings, and I found a lot of other things that were very rare and I said why are people throwing these goddamn things out I mean if I had to throw something out it would be because it is causing me a lot of misery and a lot of pain. It doesn’t have to be physical pain just has to be emotional pain like for example, I threw out and am still going to be throwing out a bunch of Michael Bublé CDs because I I can’t stand Michael Bublé , my mother love Michael Bublé and Michael Stewart or Rod Stewart or whatever his name was I didn’t so that being said that doesn’t go in my room because this isn’t my mothers room she just floats around in my room as a ghost ! God bless her soul! That being said, I hope she finds peace floating around in my room, but I do have to get rid of some of the stuff that she would like because it’s exactly not her room it’s my room and my apartment so I want to listen to the stuff I like. That being said, I don’t enjoy Michael Bublé never did to begin with So and Michael Bolton and that I didn’t like I never really like that stuff. The only thing close to that that I like is speed wagon, which is a take it on the run singer I think that’s what they are. They’re very interesting. 

That being said, I’m throat, singing, rap, hip-hop, techno, whatever else that doesn’t sound romantic or anything like that I just don’t like romantic stuff Rod Stewart I don’t mind if I think that he’s the one Who did you think I’m sexy. That being said that’s the only one of my mothers that I can agree on that being said I don’t really enjoy much of the romantic stuff. That kind of stuff drives me bad. And I actually had the balls to I mean the ones on my chest to actually say what I had to say as a girl that I did not like Michael Bublé or anything I had to say something because this is getting out of control and I have to make room for stuff that I enjoy. when I meant the balls I mean the ones on my chest I think you know what they are girl! I mean they can get annoying at times, but they are still in the realm! I had to grow a pair to say that I couldn’t stand Michael Bublé or Michael Bolton. I think that’s him and some of those romantic stuff. That drive me nuts. It’s not that I don’t like lovey-dovey things. I’ve read lotta lovey-dovey stuff in my day. I’ve listened to a couple of the lovey-dovey stuff but as far as I’m concerned, I don’t really care for it anymore, because I don’t know what it’s like to be in love. I tried to find out was like to be in love when I was with the idiot. That being said, I wasn’t able to write too much today because I ended up talking to someone I’m not gonna say anything more about that but there’s a good energy there. I can tell that he has some good energy. He mentioned the same thing to me so that being said that’s gonna be very interesting so I’ve been talking to him all day, so I’ve been very  Busy at the same time bored. I should’ve been reading my book. 

I’ve been reading a graphic novel called ivy league, which is about cleaning. It’s OK I guess but it’s not the best graphic novel. If you know what I mean I the artwork but it’s not in my realm of them. I’m out of a witchy type as you can tell by the red Ridinghood books that I read my lifetime. Even though I’m old! (34 is not old but I just think I’m a little bit more mature than people my age) Also, I find that I enjoy a lot of different things. I like old music things from the 50 6070s 80s 90s and the early 2000 that being said that’s about the only, I think that died in 2007 Lady Gaga just played that dance or just dance I don’t know what the hell is I try to block it out as a traumatic memory! Do do do do I just can’t stand that but I do like her other music but the day the music died was on 2007 2010 that’s one died for me. And everything just went to sh*t! First of the day. Excuse me that being said I’d rather not use that kind of terminology but as I said I have had enough of the crappy 2010 2020s music that really don’t have any business being played. It’s their boring the good stuff they’re literally butchering the stuff like I feel good and stuff was a butchered version of blue out about, that was not anyone’s taste and then they bought the I’m a Barbie girl song which was not exactly my idea of good listening. Let’s just say Nicki Minaj is also a butcher as well when it comes to music. Doja Cat and Dua Lipa were not my favourite ones either, but I try not to be hateful towards other bands or whatever but then again I got a piece of sh*t too, I just dropped my first album it’ll be coming out and December 11, 2023 so I could be a piece of shit but I do not watch your other peoples music that’s just the difference between me. I am original with what I have to say I don’t mix Into anything I don’t make anything, and I certainly don’t but your other peoples songs that’s why we have copyrights people

So you don’t end up pissing off the other artist who are butchering. I mean butchering as in making out of their music when you’re trying to make it a piece of artwork, and it turned into fart work! That being said, I’ve been seeing a lot of that lately because of the lack of creativity. There is with the music these days whatever happened to Missy Elliott or something along. Those lines are old even she’s getting to be a pain in my ass! Although Shaya is pretty good with her, oh is pretty good with her and says what she hast to say, that being said, I don’t mind Samaya! I don’t know why it doesn’t say the first name, otep! But that’s beside the point that is the band that is the artist that listened to confrontation is one of her best songs I’ve ever  listen to! She also played a couple of other good songs she Is very good. There’s a lot of good art work in the world if you look for it Beyond The 2010 and then you’ll see that there’s more to life than Lil Wayne or gaga or Dua Lipa or something to that effect!

Come on people there’s a reason why I do a lot of reading. And book recording because there’s a lot of crappy music out there as well. That being said, I like hearing new songs that are old that are not butchered in anyway. I am a music snob and I have my own record player and my own CD player but I just need to walk in and then I’ll be happy to go around listening to my Music without having to hear other people as you would with Spotify so that being said I need a walk man ! That being said, I don’t usually say what I want his tattoo or piercing Related stuff and I just show the drawing that being said, I haven’t been drawing very much lately again. I’ve been too busy trying to get rid of stuff. One of them will be plenty of fish because that f*cker last night was a real sh*thead!